This morning, I invite you to turn with me for our Scripture reading to Proverbs chapter 4, Proverbs chapter 4, then our text coming from Ephesians 6, Ephesians 6 verse 4, we'll read in Ephesians 6, the first four verses. In all fairness, I must say that I considered this text with you about five and a half years ago, shortly after we arrived on the occasion of baptism, and it's been on my mind again for a time to consider it again. Not because I think Doug and Carla need it more than anybody else here, because it's for me too. It's for all of us here. So we want to consider what the Word of the God says to us in Ephesians 6, verse 4 this morning. In Proverbs 4, Proverbs 4 we'll read together from the first part, the middle and the end of the chapter. And it highlights there really, for children in Proverbs chapter 4, what it's kind of a word to children, what they are to glean, looking for wisdom and these kinds of things. But at the very same time, it's instruction to the parents that if children are to glean certain things, that means parents are to instruct them in a particular way. So we read verses 1-6, 10-15, and 20-27 of Proverbs 4. Hear now the Word of God. Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction. Pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. When I was a boy, and my father's house still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, Behold of My words with all your heart. Keep My commands and you will live. Get wisdom. Get understanding. Do not forget My words or swerve from them. Do not forsake wisdom and she will protect you. Love her and she will watch over you. And to verse 10, Listen, my son, accept what I say and the years of your life will be many. I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered. When you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction. Do not let it go. Guard it well, for it is your life. Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men. Avoid it. Do not travel on it. Turn from it and go in your own way. And down to verse 20. My son, pay attention to what I say. Listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight. Keep them within your heart. for they are life to those who find them and health to man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth. Keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead. Fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left. Keep your foot from evil. In Ephesians 4, we read together beginning at verse 1, the text again being verse 4. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Let's bow together in prayer. Father, we thank You for Your Word, the instruction of Your Word, which leads us and guides us with regard to how to live before You, before the eyes of a watching world. That we must confess, O Lord, that we are blind in and of ourselves. And we pray, Father, that even in this morning hour, You would remove those blinders from us by Your Holy Spirit. Work powerfully and effectively in our hearts and lives to hear Your Word, to receive it, to believe it, to respond to it in faith. And may You, O Lord, be praised. In Jesus' name we pray these things. Amen. Beloved in Christ the Lord, what is the greatest gift? Parents can give to their children. Boys and girls, no doubt you have some pretty good ideas. You probably make a list for your birthday or maybe for Christmas and you've got some wonderful ideas of what you believe would be the greatest gift or some of the greatest gifts your parents could give to you. But boys and girls, you need to understand, young people too, that the greatest gift is not a new toy, it's not a new video game or electronic gizmo of some sort, it's not a car or clothes, It's not a college education. It's not even a financially secure future. Young people, it's not freedom to do what you want, to make your own decisions. Now, in some respects, parents might like to give their children certain of these things, but you see, none of those things compares with what Christian parents have the duty to give their children. Paul, in this letter to the Ephesian church, deals with the mystery of the church. And in the first half of the letter, if you will, he talks about what we must know, who the church is in Christ, what believers have in Christ Jesus, redemption, new birth. In the second half of the letter, then, he applies what they must know to what must I do, how must I live in the midst of that life in Christ. And part of that living, with that, he considers interpersonal relationships. How believers are to act in and respond to each other within our relationships. And specifically in chapter 5, he deals with authority and submission to that authority. He talks to husbands and wives, to parents and children, to slaves and masters. And with each one, he follows the same pattern. He talks first to those who are dependent, in a sense, to be submissive to authority, and then to those who are in authority, those who are to be dependent upon. Verse 22, Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Verse 25, Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. He makes it very clear that within these relationships, it's not one-sided. Both sides have responsibilities. Children must obey their parents in the Lord. Why? For this is right. Who says so? God does. And boys and girls and young people, even though this morning we're going to be talking and I hope you're going to be listening about what the parents' responsibility is, you cannot listen apart from understanding your responsibility. Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. This is God's command for you. This is your responsibility. This is for your good. And it's because your parents. Parents have been given a great responsibility, commanded by God. And therefore, it's fitting on this day as we have celebrated the sacrament of baptism that we consider the duty of Christian parents. I trust you see that when we talk about parents, that implies children. This duty of parents. From God toward children. In this text, verse 4, involves a contrast. Paul gives both a negative command and a positive command. Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. And with regard to this duty this morning, we want to consider simply two points. First of all, what must not be done? And secondly, what must be done? First, what must not be done? And what must not be done must not be done. because of whose they are. The psalmist says, Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. They belong to Him, not us. They are given to us as a trust for a time. They are God's possession, our responsibility. And what a great responsibility God has given to us. That is to be guardians, custodians of their souls. That does not mean that we save them. But that means that we are the means of God to shepherd the child's soul and that soul is to be shepherded in God's way. We are not called upon to shape their lives in a way that's pleasing to us, that is according to our agenda, that's a way that's convenient to us, but in the way that pleases God. The heart of Christian nurture, beloved, is to bring the heart of the child to the heart of the Savior. That's the greatest gift we can give is to introduce them to the Savior. And please understand that this is the responsibility of all those in the covenant community. All of the adults here who profess to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. Whether you teach in the Christian school or in Sunday school or catechism or lead gyms or cadets or take care of the little ones in the nursery or simply by sitting here in church. As our children are able to watch you and observe you. Each and every one of us is to be teaching them and setting an example for them that they might see and hear. In other words, we are to always be arrows pointing them to the Lord Jesus Christ. Yet, of course, we know that parents are given a more comprehensive task and that is the task of life building in the home. Paul speaks of what must not be done because it contradicts the call of parents. Fathers, do not exasperate your children. And mothers, please understand, this includes you. Fathers are being spoken to here because they are considered the head of the home. What does the fifth commandment say? Very clearly, children, honor your fathers and your mothers. So this includes parents. Again, fathers, do not exasperate your children. Paul is talking about ungodly treatment. And it's forbidden. It's condemned. He tells parents, this is not the way to raise your children. It's off limits for Christian parents. It has no place in the Christian home. It's true for me too, as it is for you. In Colossians 3, verse 21, Paul gives the same message, but he gives the essence of the command in a little bit different wording. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. We need to understand there's a contrast here between kind and fair and loving treatment, which lends itself to honor and reverence for parents and willing and cheerful obedience. It should. It doesn't always, but it should. The same is true in the workplace. When employers treat their employees with kind and fair and loving treatment, life is better, it's more enjoyable, more productive. It's part of that blessing of the fifth commandment that it may go well with you. But the opposite of kind and fair and loving treatment, the very opposite of that, yields stubbornness and hatred and rebellion and dishonor and a spirit of hopelessness. But the parents' job is to lead the child to the hope of Christ. Our children are our closest neighbors whom we are to love as ourselves. And fathers, mothers, parents, fathers are to represent the Heavenly Father. Even though we only do so with a very small glimpse, we are to represent the Heavenly Father in the care and the love and the hope that He gives. Paul speaks of what must not be done. because it contradicts the parent's call, but it also contradicts life in a Christian home. His warning here is really a warning against an action of habit, a certain kind of lifestyle, a habitual lifestyle of exasperating. Exasperation is not to characterize the relationship between parents and children in a Christian home. Another version translates, do not provoke them to anger. But to exasperate means to infuriate them. To drive them mad because of and by way of certain treatment. Now at this point, we need to understand something very clearly. And this is mostly for the boys and girls and the children. Listen to this. This does not mean that children will never get mad at their parents. You're sinners too. It does not mean that parents are never to do anything that would make you upset. Like discipline. You might get mad at them. You might get angry with your parents because of their discipline. Maybe because of their corporal punishment. Because of a spanking. Because they ground you. Because they take your privileges away. Paul isn't talking about that. Not at all. At times you will get angry when you have absolutely no reason to and no right to angry at your parents. But here, Paul is talking about mismanaged parenting. Unjust and improper treatment that would drive them to anger. He's talking about unchristian parenting that involves a lack of patience and a lack of love very much unlike our Lord Jesus Christ toward us. William Hendrickson, in his commentary on Ephesians, gives some examples of what he considers to be exasperation. The first one, he speaks of as overprotection. Now again, we must say that there's going to be a difference between what children and young people see as overprotection and what Hendrickson is talking about by overprotection. By overprotection, he's talking about fencing children in on every single side, caging them, if you will, for fear that the least little bit of harm might fall upon them. Absolutely no freedoms whatsoever. A tight leash, as we might say. And he says it's dangerous for development. The little bird will never learn to fly if it never leaves the nest. And his point is that overprotection... He's not saying don't protect. Parents are commanded, obviously, to protect their children. But his point is that overprotection beyond reason deprives children of confidence for life and does not prepare the child for life in this world. And that, too, is our responsibility as parents and as leaders in the church and in the Christian community. The second example he gives with regard to exasperation is favoritism. And, of course, we have plenty of examples in Scripture. Isaac and Rebekah toward Esau and Jacob. Isaac loved Esau, and Rebekah loved Jacob. And then, of course, there's Jacob toward his wives, Leah and Rachel, and then also Jacob toward his sons, setting Joseph apart from the rest. And the results in Scripture are clear of the danger of favoritism. One of the dangers of favoritism, I believe, is that the favored one tends to think that he or she can do no wrong, whereas the unfavored one thinks that he or she can do no right. Another example that Hendrickson gives is discouragement. Discouraging our children. Exasperating by discouraging it. And that can happen in a number of ways. We can discourage them by language that belittles them or cuts them down. We can do so by crushing their goals. You're not smart enough. You're not good enough. We can do so by a lack of trust. Refusing to believe them. We can discourage them by not encouraging them and building them up. We can discourage by not giving them the attention that they need. In other words, teaching them by that, that what they say and what they do doesn't matter. Another example of exasperation is neglect. Neglect of time. Neglect of affection. Neglect of the necessities of life. And still one more example. Bitter words and outright physical cruelty. We all know, I trust the saying, sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Guess what? It's a lie. It's a lie. Words inflict the most serious and deep-lasting wounds. But then there's physical cruelty. And we see it's a deadly danger. And we see the horror stories each and every day. Maybe you saw it on the news about the three young children just in the last day or so found, stuffed in a washing machine and dryer. Dead. Their mother, who was pregnant, Murdered and the unborn baby cut out of her. Physical cruelty. Not to mention sexual physical cruelty. It's a deadly danger. But even for those who would never think of these things, the rod of discipline. Be careful. It's to be used only as God intended. Punishment that is inflicted out of anger and not out of love that's done to satisfy my own wrath instead of to teach the child of how God has been offended by their sin. It's wrong. And the excuse that, well, you've never had to deal with my child, won't do. We need to remember, we may not forget that God has because He's dealt with you and with me. What Paul says must not be done is nothing less than ungodly treatment. And we must remember, again, as parents that we are the guardians and the custodians of the souls of our children. So which direction are you driving them? Parents, in the shaping of the hearts of God's little ones, are given power and authority over children, but not to be abused and misused. And again, as the catechism makes clear, it's talking about the authority, all authority that's placed over us, even the school and the church, not to be abused and misused. But instead, God directs Christian parents toward what must be done. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Now, this is talking about hands-on, isn't it? Hands-on parenting. Get to work. It's a call for godly upbringing. Again, because of whose they are. They are God's possession, given as a trust to us. And therefore, He calls for a God-word direction. in the Lord. The Lord is to be the center of their relationships, the center of their teaching, the center of their learning. This duty sets Christian parents apart from all other parents. And our first goal is not to raise them in terms of general morality and good manners or commendable behavior. That's all nice and good and necessary, but that's not first. Those qualities are to be byproducts and the results of being brought up in the Lord, to flow from being brought up in the Lord. But our number one goal, beloved, is that our children know and love and worship the Lord. That they be taught the blessing of the covenant as God says, I will be a God to you and your children as baptism signifies. How do we achieve that goal? Through Christian training. Christian training. They must be brought up in the atmosphere of Christian training where Christ is the center of and rules the home. Where the example of Christ is evident in the life and in the conduct of mom and dad. Our proper goals, you see, are not to be sports and music or theater. Not first of all, but family worship. Daily family worship is to be first and should never be skipped because of these other things that seem to get in our way. But the other things should flow from the instruction, including family worship. All of the upbringing is to be Christian upbringing. The entire atmosphere, home, church, and school, so that even when our children are in public, in the midst of an un-Christian atmosphere, in their minds, in their hearts, they are still within the atmosphere of that Christian atmosphere. Beloved, the upbringing is to be such that the Lord would be pleased to place His stamp of approval on it. Christian parents promise, as Doug and Carla have done in that third question, says, Do you promise and intend to instruct this child as soon as he is able to understand in the aforesaid doctrine and cause him to be instructed there into the utmost of your power? That's a promise that we make. For those of you who are members here who have ever brought your children for baptism, you've made that promise. You've made that promise to God. Do you remember? Or have you forgotten? To bring them up has the idea of bringing up tenderly. Like a new plant, a little flower. Tender handling. Instead of verses rough and destructive, exasperating and provoking to anger. Covenant children are tender bearers of the divine image. And guess what? They don't exist for us as parents. They don't exist for the family farm or the family business. So it's good that they work in those things. That's part of their life training. But they don't exist for us. Parents exist for children. To bring them up. And to be used of God to nourish them to maturity in faith, we pray. Again, our job is more than simply raising them to be good, productive citizens, but to be used by God, we pray. To help them establish a right relationship with God and to be citizens of a heavenly country. Again, we don't change the sinful hearts of our children. And they are sinful. We know that. That's God's job. But He uses us to water the seed of faith that the Holy Spirit might give to them. What an awesome task to bring up children in the way that they should go. A task that is so neglected today. Many have lost sight of it. And children have become nothing more than a nuisance, an inconvenience, an expense. Well, there are many who want to have a child or two because it's the socially acceptable thing to do. and you get a tax deduction. But the truth is, they spend more time and money on their pets. Beloved, we are soul protectors. Protectors of the soul. And when we remember that as parents or as Christian leaders of the covenant youth in the official capacity of the church or the Christian school, when we remember that the children's souls are in our hands. Then, as someone has said, anything that militates against the child's soul and its knowledge of God and the Lord Jesus Christ should be rejected. It must be rejected. It must be off limits. Paul teaches here how to meet the goal of godly upbringing. How to fulfill that task, as he says, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Again, it takes work. It takes hard work. And there are two ideas here. These words are also translated not only training and instruction, but discipline and admonition. And the two ideas come together for a whole. The first one, training. Also, discipline has to do with shaping the will. Training in righteousness. In what's right and wrong. And doing this by means of rules and regulations and rewards. Even punishment. Hebrews 12 uses the very same word and translates it, chastening. And the beauty here is that whether God chastens believers, or whether Christian parents chasten their children, it is to be an indication of love. As the writer says in Hebrews, For whom the Lord loves, He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives. Boys and girls, punishment hurts at times. Sometimes it stings badly. I'm not that old that I don't remember my dad's belt. I do. It can sting badly. Yet when that punishment is proper, then it should make you happy. It should cause you to rejoice. No, I'm not going crazy. Just as God's discipline of us should also make us happy and cause us to rejoice. Because that means that you are loved. That you are loved so much that your parents want to correct you to see things God's way. For this is right. God would have us to see things His way. It's not pleasant, the Bible says, but painful. As Hebrews 12, 11 says, and then adds, nevertheless, afterwards, It yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. It's for our good. Children are to be trained to lead a disciplined life in the Lord. Training, discipline, is what is done to the child. But then the other side, instruction or admonition, deals with shaping the mind through teaching. Again, the first set, shaping the will, how to live. The second set, now shaping the mind, how and what to believe. And of course, giving foundation to why we are called to live in the way that God commands. This training, this bringing up is done by the spoken word. Teaching, warning, scolding, encouraging. And therefore, it's talking about what is said to the child. And this tender upbringing, this tender instruction is to be earnest and strong, clear and understandable, not feeble and weak. Just because they're tender doesn't mean it's feeble and weak. Eli, remember Eli the priest in Samuel's day? He was feeble and weak. The Bible says he did not admonish his sons. And the Bible makes it clear that contributed to their wickedness. Tender upbringing is to be earnest and strong, clear, understandable. The Bible teaches us what to instruct and how to instruct in Deuteronomy 6. These commands that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home. when you walk along the road, when you lie down, when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. Now, we know Moses had just rehearsed, reminded Israel of the law of God with its summary of love. And here then with these verses, he makes it clear that the instruction of the law and its content is to be constant. All day long. At rest. At work. Constantly applied to life. In other words, don't miss the opportunity to instruct the children. And people of God, it's the parent's responsibility to teach them. Not the state. Not the government. The church has the spiritual task to teach the Word of God from the pulpit and in the classrooms. And we take that very seriously here. That's why we're blessed with multiple teachers in the classrooms. But we know parents are to equip children for life in this present world with the help of and the encouragement from the church. Even as we've had the opportunity this morning to give of our offerings for the tuition aid fund and to help in many other ways as teaching, supporting, so many things. A friend of mine who's a minister said once, it is the calling of covenant parents to teach their children all they need to know to make a living in this life and how to do that. By using God's Word in a godly way. Another part of our baptismal promise is to instruct our children in the doctrine of Scripture which is taught here in this church. In other words, the Reformed doctrine, the Reformed understanding of the Word of God and promise to cause them, to cause them to be instructed therein to the utmost of our power. As Christian parents, we make vows before God and His church to exert ourselves using everything within our power to see to it that our children are raised in the knowledge of God and His Word using every means at our disposal to teach our children God's Word and how that applies to every area and every function in their lives, no matter what. And again, that's why we can be so thankful for the blessing of our Christian schools, Calvin Christian School, our colleges, seminaries that teach the Reformed truth of Scripture. This life, sometimes parents, it's hard to write that tuition check, isn't it? And as we write out that check, we can think of a multitude of things that we could be using this money for, whether they're needs or whether they're wants. But remember, this life is temporary. And whatever lifestyle you are tempted to purchase with your tuition money, it does fade. It will fade. But the Word of God is eternal. And life in the Lord is eternal. Our overall promise is to have our children instructed in the Reformed truth of Scripture. Again, the congregation participates in a multitude of ways. but this includes in math, in science, history, spelling, chemistry, biology, P.E., on the sports field, on the stage, in everything. There's no such thing as spiritually neutral instruction. Jesus said, either you are for me or you are against me. There's no middle of the road. The vow of Christian parents is to see to it that every instruction of our children is God-centered instruction. And we ought to be satisfied with nothing less than God's stamp of approval. This is the duty of Christian parents. It's important. It's crucial. It's honorable. It's a matter of life or death. We're called to be used of God to shape the will, to shape the mind, to bring them to the cross of Jesus. And they are to see what we are trying to teach them. are to see it modeled in our lives. Among the adults of the congregation too, there's to be no contradiction. Our walk is to match our talk. So that our children are taught that all glory belongs to God. And boys and girls and young people, that includes being obedient to parents. That brings glory to God because it's right. Your parents didn't earn your obedience, but they deserve it because God says they do. We are to teach them that man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and that all of this is possible only through the cross of Jesus. It's only through Him that we receive where we go for forgiveness. Apart from the blood and righteousness of Jesus Christ, this life is meaningless. It has no hope. But in Him we have the greatest hope more than anything this life can provide. The hope of eternal life. We are called to teach them to have a Christian world and life view. That God's sovereign rule touches all of life because it's His. He gave it. And Christ redeems us body and soul. And therefore then this life is to be characterized by thankfulness. We as parents, we often fail miserably in this duty. And as children, we often fight against this duty. But together we are to praise God for His forgiving grace. and His sanctifying Holy Spirit, even as we as parents strive to be obedient to and fulfill this duty. And as children, we strive to submit to this duty. What is the greatest gift that can be given? To introduce them to the Savior and Lord Jesus Christ and what it means to be a Christian. Amen. Let's pray. Father, You alone who hears and answers prayer, we come before You, Lord, humbled. Humbled as we have considered again the duty that You have placed upon parents and also believing adults in Your church. A duty which is so very difficult. A duty in which we fail at often. A duty which can only be carried out in Your strength by Your blessing. Father, we pray for Your blessing, Your continued blessing on those of us here as parents and as those who participate in the lives of our covenant youth. Give us strength. Give us wisdom. Give us blessing, O Lord, that these children might through us see You and that You would draw them to Yourself and to a saving faith in Christ Jesus. Father, we thank You that You call upon us to depend upon You alone who will not fail. In Jesus' name we pray these things. Amen.