For our Scripture reading tonight, turn with me to Proverbs 4, where we find valuable instruction for children of any age, instruction that is to be heeded. We want to read together three different sections of that chapter, as well then turning to Ephesians chapter 6, where we consider the verses 1 through 4, and specifically verse 4 as our text for this evening. Proverbs 4, as we begin at verse 1. Hear now the Word of God. Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction. Pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. When I was a boy in my father's house, still tender and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, Lay hold of my words with all your heart and keep my commands and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding. Do not forget my words or swerve from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you. Love her, and she will watch over you. Then moving down to verse 10. Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many. I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered. When you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction. Do not let it go. Guard it well, for it is your life. Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men. Avoid it. Do not travel on it. Turn from it and go on your own way. For they cannot sleep till they do evil. They are robbed of slumber till they make someone fall. Then down to verse 20. My son, pay attention to what I say. Listen closely to my words. Do not keep them out of your sight. Keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth. Keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead. Fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left. Keep your foot from evil. And then turning to Ephesians 6, the first four verses. where Paul issues a couple of commands. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. And now the words of our text. Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Beloved congregation of our Lord Jesus Christ, what is the greatest gift parents can give to their children? Now children, boys and girls and young people, I'm sure that you have all sorts of ideas already running around in your head as to exactly what that greatest gift could be or would be that your parents could give to you. But that greatest gift is not a toy. It's not new clothes. It's not a car. It's not a college education. It's not even a financially secure future. Many of those things are things that your parents might want to give to you as children, but none of these things compares with what Christian parents have the duty to give to their children. That's right. This text deals with the duty of Christian parents toward their children. Paul deals with the mystery of the church in his letter to the Ephesian church. And in the first part of the letter, he talks about who she, the church, is in Christ. Then he has been discussing interpersonal relationships and how believers are to respond to and act toward each other in those relationships. In chapter 5, Paul talks about authority and submission to that authority with regard to the husband-wife relationship. And first, he talks to those who are dependent, the wives. And then he talks to those who are dependent upon, the husbands. In chapter 5, he says, wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. In verse 25, husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Then he follows the same scheme with regard to the parent-child relationship in chapter 6 as we read. Children, those who are dependent, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. And in the words of our text, fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. And then one more time, he does the same thing following the same scheme with regard to slaves and masters. Verse 5, Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear and with sincerity of heart just as you would obey Christ. Then verse 9, And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them since you know that He who is both their Master and yours is in heaven and there is no favoritism with Him. Now, these relationships, though we need to understand, are not one-sided. Not at all. Both sides have responsibilities. For example, children must obey their parents. Children, that's what God commands of you. It's not an option. And you're not allowed to pick and choose that which you would obey of your parents' requests. It's your responsibility to be obedient. But parents have also been given a great responsibility which is also a command from our God. And as we sit here tonight, having administered the sacrament of baptism to these infants, we must consider, as I have already mentioned, this Word of God, the duty of Christian parents toward their children. Considering two things from this text. First of all, the condemnation of ungodly treatment. And secondly, the call for godly upbringing. Now why is this so important? Because these children, which we call our own, are really God's children. They are His possession. As parents, we are responsible to God for the care of His covenant children because as the psalmist says, children are a heritage from the Lord, a most precious, rich heritage from none other than our God. And with that heritage comes a great responsibility. God has made parents the guardians and custodians of our children's souls. Not that we are able to save our children, not at all. But our God is a God of means, and Christian parents are to be used of God to shepherd the child's heart. Remember, these children are God's jurisdiction, and therefore as parents, we may not try to shape the lives of our children, first of all, in a way that is pleasing to us, or in a way that fits with our agenda, or in a way that is convenient for us. But first of all, it must be in the way that pleases God. And congregation, the heart of Christian nurture is to bring the heart of the child to the heart of the Savior. The greatest gift we can give our children is to introduce them to the Savior, to the Lord Jesus Christ. Boys and girls, young people, that's why your parents have you here. That's why they seek to teach you in the home and in the Christian school. They seek to be diligent to that command. And as a covenant community, as a family of God, as a church, this is the responsibility of all the adults toward the covenant children in this congregation. Whether we teach Sunday school or catechism or lead young peoples or cadets or gyms or story hour or simply by our visible example. Each and every one of us as adults is to be an arrow pointing to the Lord Jesus Christ. Wow. What a task. But of course, Christian parents have the more comprehensive task of life building in the home. Now, this text before us tonight involves a contrast. There is both a negative and a positive command. Once again, fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Now, it is agreed among commentators that mothers are very much included here, especially in the light of verse 1, which calls for the child's obedience to parents. Father and mother, as the fifth commandment states. Fathers are singled out here because they are called to be the head of the home and the ultimate human authority over the instruction and training of their children. And of course, then in homes where the father is not present or has been removed, mothers automatically take over that role as the head of the house and take over that authority. But in this contrast, the text deals, as you can see, with the negative aspect first. Fathers do not exasperate your children. Right away, at the very beginning, fathers, parents through the fathers, are given a warning. The condemnation of ungodly treatment. In other words, parents are being told this is not the way to raise your children. This kind of treatment is off limits, especially for Christian parents. It has no place in the Christian home. And let me be the first to tell you that this is speaking to me too. In Colossians 3, Paul talks about the Christian home. And he gives the essence of this command in a little bit different way when he says, Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. You see, kind and fair and loving treatment lends itself toward honor and reverence for parents as well as willing and cheerful obedience on the part of the child. And we know that that's true even in the workplace when your boss treats you with kind and fair and just treatment, then more than likely you are going to be more willing to do what your boss asks of you and to do it more cheerfully. Life then is better and more enjoyable. We know that that's not always the case. There are exceptions to the rule. But in essence, these are the rules. But life is more enjoyable. And that's part of what the fifth commandment means when it says to children that it may be well with you. But the opposite. of kind, fair, and just loving treatment lends itself to stubbornness and hatred and rebellion and dishonor and a spirit of hopelessness. But the Christian parent's job is to lead the child to the hope of Christ Jesus. Christian parents must remember that apart from their spouse, their closest neighbor is often their children, whom they are to love as themselves. And fathers are called to represent the Heavenly Father, be it ever in such a small way, to represent His care and love and discipline and the hope that He gives. As well, the Bible makes it clear that our God also compares Himself to a mother's loving care. Can a mother forget her nursing child, the Bible asks? And the expected answer is, no way. And neither will our Heavenly Father forget His children. But as we consider the force of the Greek in this negative prohibition, Paul is warning against an action of habit. A certain kind of lifestyle. In other words, we are to understand him as saying that this is not what life is to be like in the Christian home. Exasperating children is not to characterize the relationship between parents and children in the Christian home. But what does it mean then to exasperate children? And other versions speak of provoking children to anger. Well, these mean to infuriate them, to drive them mad because of or by way of a certain kind of treatment. And we need to make it very clear, probably most of all for the children and young people's sake, that this is not to say, this is not to say that children will never get angry with their parents. And children, this is not to say that the parents have to walk on eggshells around you so as not to, in any situation, make you upset or angry. It doesn't say that. Each and every one of us, I trust, knows very well that discipline and corporal punishment might very well make a child angry. But when that is done out of godly love the way God intended, the parents are not responsible if you as a child get angry with them. You as a child are responsible for your anger in that situation. But that's not what this text is talking about. This is talking about mismanaged parenting, about unjust and improper treatment. It's talking about unchristian parenting to say the least. Now, William Hendrickson in his New Testament commentary on Ephesians gives a list of examples of how exasperation or provoking to anger might take place. He speaks of overprotection. Overprotection. And by this he means fencing children in on every side so tightly without an ounce of freedom because parents are afraid of the least little bit of harm that might come upon their child. But you see, this is dangerous for their life's development. The little bird will never learn to fly if it stays in the safety of the nest. And the point is that overprotection beyond reason deprives a child of confidence for life and does not prepare the child for life. And of course, again, it's not saying that you give them all kinds of freedom to make all their own choices and do whatever they want. Hendrickson also talks about favoritism. Favoritism. Now, we have scriptural examples of favoritism with Isaac and Rebekah towards Esau and Jacob, As well, Jacob toward Joseph. And we recall very well the results within those families. Favoritism for one child over another in the family, in the household, is a dangerous thing. Then there's discouragement. And this is done by language that belittles or cuts a child down. It's done by crushing their goals. You're not smart enough for that. You're not good enough to become that. It is done by a lack of trust in your child, or as well, refusing to believe them when they tell you something. Of course, some children have proven themselves untrustworthy and unbelievable. But it's also done by not encouraging children and not up-building them. And we can add to this neglect, Hendrickson says. It's neglect of time, neglect of affection, neglect of the necessities of life. But also parents can provoke their children to anger, can exasperate them by bitter words and by outright physical cruelty. Because the old saying, sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me is a lie. Words can inflict the most serious and the most deep lasting of wounds. But physical cruelty, we know, is also a deadly danger. Yes, parents are to use the rod of discipline, but only as God intended. Punishment out of anger and not out of love in order to satisfy my own wrath instead of teaching how God has been offended is wrong. And there's so much we could say with regard to that. And as parents, you might say, well, you've never had to deal with my child. And that's true, but you've never had to deal with mine either. But don't forget, God has dealt with your child and my child because He has dealt with you and with me. The kind of treatment that we've just outlined is nothing less than ungodly treatment. And we need to remember as parents and as adults who have oversight over the children but especially as parents that we are guardians and custodians of our children's souls. So I ask you, which direction are you driving your child's soul? We are God's servants in the shaping of the hearts of His little ones. Indeed, parents are given power and authority over their children, but not so that it can be misused. Not so that you can abuse it. Instead, we are to heed the call for godly upbringing. Instead, the text says, Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Now, first of all, the call for godly upbringing means that our children must be brought up in the Lord, which means very simply and very clearly that parents must then be in the Lord. Children must obey their parents in the Lord as parents bring them up in the Lord. The Lord is to be the center of their relationship, of their instruction and of their learning. Now think about this for just a moment. In the Lord sets Christian parents apart from all other parents. And therefore, congregation, our goal is not to be, first of all, to raise our children in terms of general morality or in terms of good manners or in terms of commendable behavior. Wonderful things, indeed. But those qualities, beloved, are to be the byproduct, the result of being brought up in the Lord. And our goal is to be that our children know and love and trust and worship the Lord. This is the blessing of the covenant. God says, I will be a God to you and your children. And therefore, our children must be brought up in the atmosphere of Christian training where Christ is the center of and rules the home, where an example of Christ is evident in the conduct and life of the parents. Where the goal of our family is not to be how many activities outside the home can we be involved in, how many sports activities can our children be involved in, but where the goal of our families must be family worship. And all of our children's upbringing is to be Christian upbringing. That means that the entire atmosphere of this training must be such that the Lord can place His stamp of approval on it at home, in the church, and in the school. This is what we as Christian parents promise to do, isn't it? These four parents made this promise once again tonight. Notice the third question that they answered again. Third, do you promise and intend to instruct these children as soon as they are able to understand in the aforesaid doctrine and cause them to be instructed therein to the utmost of your power. As members of this church of Jesus Christ, this is the promise that each of us makes as Christian parents. In the Greek, the idea included in this upbringing is that we are called to bring them up tenderly in contrast to exasperating them or provoking them to anger. Because our covenant children, maybe you haven't thought about it this way, maybe you haven't thought about them in this way, but our children are tender bearers of the divine image. And they don't exist for us. That might be a newsflash to some of us as parents, that our children don't exist for us. We don't have children so that they can help us on the family farm or in the family business. Not that it's a bad thing. Not that they shouldn't help us on the family farm or in the family business. They should. It's a wonderful training ground. But see, that's not the intention, the reason for having children. That's not why God gives them to us. They don't exist for us. But a newsflash, parents. We exist for our children. Parents exist for their children to bring them up and nourish them to maturity in the faith. And therefore, our job as parents is more than just raising them to be good, productive citizens of this country, but to raise them to establish a right relationship with God and be citizens of the heavenly country. Now, don't misunderstand this. We don't change the sinful hearts of our children. That's God's business. But He uses Christian parents and adults to water the seed of faith which the Holy Spirit may give to them to bring up children in the way that they should go is an awesome task which has largely been lost sight of today. For so many, children are a nuisance. They are an inconvenience. And they are a great expense which keeps us from enjoying the finer things of life. Many want a child or two simply because it is the socially acceptable thing to do. Yet the sad truth is some spend more money on and more time with their pets than on their children. But remember, beloved, whether you are involved in teaching or leading these covenant youth in an official church capacity, or whether you are parents, remember that child's soul is in your hand. And when you remember that by the grace of God, then as someone has said, anything that militates against the child's soul and its knowledge of God and the Lord Jesus Christ, anything that militates against that should be rejected. It must be rejected. It must be off limits. And Paul makes that very clear as he includes in this call for godly upbringing the way to meet the goal of godly upbringing. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. This can also be translated discipline and admonition of the Lord. But whether we say discipline slash training or instruction slash admonition, we need to understand that Paul is presenting two different ideas here that fit together like a glove, hand and glove. Two different ideas. On the one hand, in the original language, the word translated discipline or training is talking about shaping or molding the will. It is training in righteousness and shaping by means of rules and regulations and rewards and when necessary, punishment. In Hebrews chapter 12, the same word is translated chastening. And the beauty of this in the context of God's chastening of believers or Christian parents chastening their children, The beauty of this is that this is to be an indication of love. For whom the Lord loves, Hebrews 12 says, He chastens and scourges every son whom He receives. Now, boys and girls, punishment hurts at times. I remember very vividly that it even stings at times. But when punishment is done properly, it ought to make you happy. What? it ought to make me happy you say it ought to make you rejoice when your parents discipline and punish you in the way that God intended it ought to make you rejoice because that means that you are loved that you are loved so much that your parents want to correct you from the wrong way so that you might see things God's way the proper way it's not pleasant at the time but painful as Hebrews 12 verse 11 says and then adds nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it children are to be trained to lead a disciplined life in the Lord and therefore discipline or training here is talking about what is done to the child shaping that will but on the other hand The original idea behind the words translated instruction or admonition deals then with the shaping of the mind through teaching. Again, the first, shaping of the will, how to live. The second, shaping of the mind, how or what to believe. And this then is training or bringing up by the spoken word, whether that be in teaching or warning or encouraging or scolding. And this then is talking about not what is done to the child, but what is said to the child. Admonition. That tender upbringing, even though tender, must be earnest and strong and not feeble like Eli. In 1 Samuel 3, verse 13, we read that Eli did not admonish his sons, which in part was to blame for their wickedness. In congregation, there's no question as to what this instruction is supposed to be and how it is supposed to be administered. This morning, as we considered the law, we considered also the summary of the law found in Deuteronomy 6, 6-9. Where we read, These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. You see, Moses had just rehearsed the law once again in the hearing of God's covenant people which we find in Deuteronomy 5. And then just before these particular verses that I just read, He gives the summary of the law, especially to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength. And these verses, Deuteronomy 6-9, then teach us that the content of that instruction is to be the law of God, but also that this instruction of God's law is to be constant from the time you get up in the morning until the time you go to bed at night when you're sitting down and even in the course of the day's work. In other words, don't miss any opportunity that you are given. Beloved, God commands parents to teach their children, not the state, not the government. The church with regard to her spiritual task is to teach God's people the Word of God from the pulpit and in the catechism room and various societies and so forth. But parents are to equip their children for life in this present world with the encouragement of the church. A friend of mine, Reverend Bill Brinesma from the Protestant Reformed Church in Kalamazoo about a year ago, I believe it was, prepared a couple of sermons on that very passage, Deuteronomy 6, 6-9, which he entitled The Diligent Instruction of Covenant Children. I had the privilege of listening to those sermon tapes and he said on one of them, it is the calling of covenant parents to teach their children all they need to know to make a living in this life and how to do that by using God's Word in a godly way. If we go back once again to the baptismal promise, we promise to instruct our children in the doctrine of Scripture which is taught in this church, in other words, the Reformed doctrine, and we promise to cause them to be instructed therein, remember the phrase, to the utmost of our power. As Rev. Breinsma rightly says, as Christian parents, we make a vow before God and His church to exert ourselves using everything within our power to see to it that our children are raised in the knowledge of God and His Word, using every means at our disposal to teach our children God's Word and how that applies to every area and function of their lives. And to do that no matter what the sacrifice. Huh? We know that Christian school tuition is expensive. it pinches our pocketbooks ever so tightly. But can you think of a better investment, financial investment that we can make in the lives of our children? Sure, we may have to give up that expensive vacation for a few years. Sure, we may have to drive that older car instead of a newer one. But isn't it worth it? Beloved, no matter how you slice and dice this, we promise to have our children instructed according to the Reformed truth of Scripture. And that includes math, science, history, spelling, and everything else. Because there's no such thing as spiritually neutral instruction. There's not. Jesus said either you are for Him or you are against Him. There's no middle ground, no middle of the road. Christian parents vow to see to it that every instruction their children receive is God-centered instruction. It must have God's stamp of approval on it. And we should be satisfied, beloved, with nothing less. The duty of Christian parents toward their children is that in bringing them up through the shaping of their will and the shaping of their mind, that duty is to bring them to the cross of Jesus. We are not to fill them with contradicting messages either by our conduct or in their instruction, but to teach them that the glory belongs to God. To teach them that man's cheap end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and to teach them that this is only possible through the cross of Jesus. It is there that they must be taught to go for the forgiveness of all their sins apart from which this life means nothing. And it is there where they are to be taught of the grace and mercy of God toward His elect children. And it is there where Christian parents must have gone first. Before their children. Each one of us as adults must have found our way by God's grace to the cross of Jesus. To that saving sacrifice where the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all our sins. And therefore, our desire to be used of God to raise our children in the fear and knowledge of the Lord is part of thankful living. And as parents, we are to imitate to our children that which we have received from God the Father through the Lord Jesus Christ. Our children must be taught to have a Christian world and life view and that God's sovereign rule touches all of life. There's not one bit of life that it misses. They must be taught that divorced from God and divorced from the saving sacrifice of Jesus, there is only hopelessness and eternal hell. But that new life in Jesus Christ through the regenerating power of the Holy Spirit, a life of repentance and faith by the grace of God is eternal life and is promised to all of God's children, those who believe on Him. Our children, beloved, must be taught that the Christian life is one that is firmly grounded in the Lord in every aspect of life. Now, as parents and adults, we must confess that we fail miserably in this. If our children become Christians, it's not because of us, but it's in spite of us. It's by the grace of God. And as children, we must also confess that we often fight against this duty. For some reason, even as younger children, We're not crazy about this duty of our parents, yet this is what we are called as Christians to strive for. We praise God for His forgiveness. We praise God for His grace, which is sufficient for all our needs. And what is the greatest gift Christian parents can give to their children? To introduce them to the Savior and Lord Jesus Christ and to teach them what it means to be a Christian. Amen. Shall we pray? Father, we are amazed as we are able to find through the leading of Your Holy Spirit instruction for our lives in every detail. In details that we may have not even considered before. in details that we may have overlooked. But yet, we thank You and praise You for the privilege of covenant children. We thank You for the tasks that You've given to us as parents and as adults in a teaching capacity to be used of You to raise these children, to instruct them and admonish them in the fear of the Lord. Father, as children, May we see the efforts of our parents and those around us in our lives. May we see those efforts as being from You. And may we not spurn these efforts. May we not rise up against them. May we not be rebellious toward them. But may we too heed Your command to be obedient to the godly authority that You have placed over us. Father, we confess that we need to be strengthened in this area and we pray that You would strengthen us through the powerful work of Your Holy Spirit. Hear our prayer, O Lord, for Jesus' sake and in His name. Amen.