I'm going to continue with our study this evening in the book of Colossians, so if you would please turn to that book, Colossians chapter 3, trying to find it for you here in the Pew Bibles, should be found on page 1170 in the Pew Bibles, Colossians chapter 3 we're going to consider this evening verses 18 and 19 but we're going to begin our reading up at verse 5 so we're going to read that for context and just for the flow of thought but we'll be considering just those two verses 18 and 19 so colossians chapter 3 beginning our reading at verse 5 put to death therefore what is earthly in you sexual immorality impurity passion evil desire and covetousness which is idolatry on account of these the wrath of god is coming and these you too once walked when you were living in them but now you must put them all away anger wrath malice slander and obscene talk from your mouth do not lie to one another seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator here there is not greek and jew circumcised and uncircumcised barbarian scathian slave free but christ is all and in all put on then as god's chosen ones holy and beloved compassionate hearts kindness humility meekness and patience bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other. As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body, and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Here ends the reading. of our lord's word well this is a simple text before us tonight just two verses not complicated they're uh straightforward but today these two verses here like many uh others like them have stirred up a lot of controversy furthermore these two short and simple texts take a whole lot to correctly live out. But there is indeed help for us as Christians. Help in avoiding controversy and a help in living out what is called here or commanded here for us. And that help comes from this very book. We've already covered over and over throughout our time in this book the key to passages like this and the key is christ jesus christ is the key to all the commandments given to us as christians you want to live a godly life focus on christ do you want to cultivate a godly mind and mindset focus on christ you want to be part of a godly fellowship, a church of believers, that fellowship ought to be focused on Christ. And the same goes for what Paul brings up here, marriage. You want to have a godly marriage? Do you want to be a godly wife? Do you want to be a godly husband? Focus on Christ. Christ is the key to avoiding the controversy that's been stirred up over these commands here. And Christ is the key to living these commands out. If you recall back at verse 11 of this chapter, Paul uses this little phrase that we just read. Look there at the end of verse 11 with me. But Christ is all and in all. Another short, simple phrase. As short and simple as it is really profound. As Christians, we are to make christ all and in all and so that last phrase there is still very operable and applicable in regards to what these two verses call us to as husbands and wives in verses 18 and 19 paul here speaks of marriage christian marriage specifically but this applies really to all marriage marriage which strives to make christ all and all paul speaking here before us or what paul brings up here before us is really a christ-centered marriage now i've said it before we today love to tack on christ-centered to many things christ-centered schooling christ-centered books Christ-centered, this or that. But in doing that, it's so easy for us, when everything becomes Christ-centered, to really forget what that actually means. This text is going to remind us tonight what it means to make Christ all in all in marriage. And so we consider tonight a Christ- centered marriage. And we do so by looking at just two simple points, as simple as this text. a christ-centered wife and a christ-centered husband i think it's interesting that paul after saying in verse 11 of this chapter that in christ there is not greek or jew circumcised uncircumcised barbarian scathean free or slave that now in our text and the text that follow he goes on to address distinctions that exist within the body of christ distinction of wives and husbands, distinction of children and parents, even slaves and masters. Now Paul doesn't say it here, but he does say in Galatians 3.28, a parallel passage to our passage this evening, he even adds that there is neither male nor female. So what's going on here? Is Paul saying there are no distinctions or is he saying that there are distinctions? And I note this because this is really important to our understanding of what Paul is expressing here in these passages. This is important to what Paul calls wives and husbands to in their respective roles within a marriage. You see many today both outside and sadly inside the church want to blur this distinction. They want to blur the distinction between a man and a woman, between male and female, between husbands and wives. And so they quote passages like Galatians 3.28 and like our verse here in Colossians 3.11 to say, you see, there's no distinction within the body of Christ. And then they either neglect verses 18 and 19 or they twist this passage. We don't want to make that same mistake. What Paul is saying here in all of these passages combined is exactly what the Bible has been saying really from the beginning. Genesis 127. In the beginning, God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them. The Bible tells us in the beginning that God created man, humanity, in his own image. That's a fundamental point of our existence and our nature we are all created in the image of God we're equal in nature in essence in worth but God did make a distinction didn't he within that one race of humanity he made us male and female so there is distinction not a distinction in equality and essence or worth or nature but god gives different roles and that's what paul is developing here in regards to marriage and also in passages like galatians chapter 3 so paul's point here is that there is indeed unity and equality within the body of christ in christ we've been made into a new humanity right a new people a people who are being made more and more into the image of god yes but in colossians 3 specifically into the image of christ we've put on that new self which is being renewed after the knowledge of its creator and so again when we combine this all together what we see is there is unity equity and yet diversity difference the point to keep in mind in all of this is that this is really a community in christ where christ is the one who is all in all and so those distinctions those differences don't make any difference when it comes to faith in jesus christ we enter the kingdom of christ by faith in him regardless of who we are or what we are and in christ we stand equally before god justified by his work, by his righteousness. And so just as this book has so beautifully and eloquently impressed upon us over and over and over, everything is about Christ. Christian marriage is no different. What's true for Christians individually, what's true for a Christian church collectively, is true for the Christian marriage. The focal point of a Christian marriage must be Christ. He must be the focus of who we are as wives and husbands. And so contrary to some popular beliefs today, Paul's not saying that there is no distinction here, that there is no specific roles for wives and husbands. Paul following scripture in a really biblically balanced way here teaches equality and difference and that's why he begins in verse 19 with wives wives he says submit to your husbands this is a straightforward command here right simple wives submit to your husbands now since this command may stir up many today i think that maybe we should approach this by first looking at what paul is not saying in this text paul here is not saying that all women must submit to all men wives submit to your husbands doesn't mean that women in general must submit to men in general paul's not saying women submit to men he's saying wives submit to your husbands paul's addressing wives women who are married women who have taken the solemn oath to be united in covenant matrimony with a particular man, their husband. So in a very practical way, this is a call for women to submit to the man that they have chosen to marry. I think this does bring up a very practical point for us to consider. I think we can all agree that submission is difficult. Submission is difficult. I don't want to sugarcoat that for us. I don't want to be overly romantic about this responsibility that's laid upon a wife. Submission can be difficult. Sure, it can be romantic. It can give great testimony to the watching world of Christ being made all and in all within marriage. But it is indeed difficult. Now, if we realize that, then I think this command here should serve as a word of caution to the single ladies among us. Don't play around with marriage. Don't toy with marriage. What I mean by that is don't mess around, not even with romantic relationships, with someone that you should not be engaged with. As a single person, now is the time to consider who you are willing to submit to. Once married, that is not the time to consider whether you will or will not submit to your husband. You see, at that point, you would have vowed before the Lord and in the presence of others to be the wife of that man. And therefore, this command and this responsibility is yours. So choose wisely who you would decide to spend the rest of your life with and who you willingly choose to submit to. I'll say it again, submission can be difficult regardless of who it is that you choose. So don't make it any more difficult. Don't in an overly romantic way, which I mean by that is out of sheer desire or lost apart from biblical standards and in consultation with your parents your mentors your pastors your friends don't foolishly choose someone to marry that you ought not to now it should go without saying this absolutely means that you may not marry someone who does not trust by faith in Jesus Christ. You may not marry outside of the faith. You may not marry someone who is not in Christ. You may not marry someone who is not making in their life Christ all and in all. Allow me to paint the scenario for you. If you would turn with me in your Bibles to the book of ephesians ephesians chapter 2 i could develop this point from colossians here but i think ephesians 2 will present it a bit better for us this is a familiar passage ephesians 2 and by the way what i'm saying here to the young single ladies or single ladies also applies to single men as well so don't miss that ephesians 2 beginning at verse 1 and you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked following the course of this world the following the prince of the power of the air the spirit that is now at work and the sons of disobedience among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh carrying out the desires of the body and mind and were by nature children of wrath like the rest of mankind that's a picture of somebody apart from the regenerating work of the spirit paul goes on in verse 4 but god being rich in mercy because of the great love with which he loved us even when we were dead in our trespasses made us alive together with christ it's a picture of someone who has experienced the regenerating work of the spirit now think here of the analogy of being unequally yoked think of two cattle yoked together to plow a field one is alive and one is dead how do you think that's going to work out for that for those cows it's gonna be tremendously difficult right in the same way marriage will be tremendously difficult for both parties if one is living a life of making christ all and in all while the other one is living a life of making themselves all and in all so again you may not marry outside of the faith and this means that you shouldn't even be romantically involved with someone who is outside of the faith there's no point to that in fact the bare minimum requirement for you singles to be in a relationship with someone should be that they are a christian that's the bare minimum but don't sell yourself short why settle for the bare minimum standard really should be godliness you should pursue someone who is aspiring and pursuing godliness and that goes for you as well you should be pursuing godliness because it doesn't make any sense for you to pursue someone who is aspiring to be godly when you yourself aren't being godly now i'm probably getting ahead of myself here and touching a little bit on verse 20 which deals with the relationship between parents and children but i want to want to remind parents as well that this is truth that we should impress upon our children they may not marry outside of the faith they may not marry someone who doesn't claim the name of christ as lord and savior so speak to your children about that we need to do that for their well-being for their spiritual well-being now one other thing that paul is not saying here is that he's not saying that every woman must get married god's plan for the majority of us will be marriage but god's plan is not marriage for each and every one of us in light of first corinthians 7 paul there speaks of some having the gift of singleness for those who are content in their singleness now for some singles who are desirous of marriage you don't have that gift and it probably doesn't seem like a gift it seems like a burden a desire you want to be married it's understandable but marriage is not for everyone that's not what Paul is saying here another thing Paul is not saying here is that the wife is bound to some kind of menial servile bondage wives are not slaves and shame on us men for projecting that kind of thought upon our wives if we do and we do have to acknowledge that there has been a history within the church of thinking of wives in this way and doing so because of really a grotesque misinterpretation of texts like this that's an abusive way of thinking of God's intentions for marriage husbands are not called to lord themselves over their wives in fact this points out another thing that Paul is not saying here. Wives do not have to submit to their husbands in absolutely everything. If a husband asks a wife to do something sinful, the wife is not only not obligated to follow him, she's required not to follow him. Furthermore, if the husband asks his wife to do something that the Lord has not commanded, for example, let's say a husband tries to prevent his wife from going to church she doesn't have to submit to him in that regard furthermore if the husband abuses his wife the wife need not submit to him in that regard this all has to do with what paul is not saying paul's not denigrating wives he's not saying they're less than equal in worth and nature to their husbands. Paul's relaying the God-given role and responsibility of a wife in Christ. And what does that look like? What is Paul calling a wife to? Well, he's calling them to submission, right? And submission along the lines of the submission of christ the idea of submission contrary to extreme ideas today is founded upon the submission of christ what paul calls wives to here is nothing more than what christ exemplified in his submission his submission to his father in heaven his submission to the will of his father the submission of to the plan of redemption remember jesus was the one who was willing to submit himself to be born in the likeness of man humbly becoming obedient even to the point of death upon the cross god himself think about that submitted himself by becoming obedient for our sake for our sake so with this in mind i think we can begin to see how submission can be a beautiful thing. In the wife's submission to her husband, she portrays to a watching world the submission of Jesus Christ. See, from the Bible's perspective, submission is not a denigrating evil. It's an aspect of the beauty of the love of Christ that he displayed for his church. Beauty I think we see in the words of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane when he prays, Father, if it is your will, take this cup from me. Yet not my will, but yours be done. Jesus knew what it meant to submit, didn't he? Jesus's submission becomes really the foundation of the submission of a wife. And that's why Paul says here, wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. It's fitting in the Lord for wives to submit to their husbands. Why? Because christ submitted to his father out of love out of love for you remember we're speaking here of a christ-centered wife a wife who has been renewed in christ a wife who has taken off the old put on that new and it's that role that's being remade renewed in the image of christ where christ is being made all and in all and so christ-centered wife is not afraid to portray christ through her own submission along the lines of what we heard in hebrews 11 with moses the christ-centered wife is not afraid to consider the reproach of christ greater of greater wealth than the treasures of this world there's even another reason that it's fitting for a christian wife to submit to her husband. You see, these relational roles referred to here by Paul between a husband and a wife is what God ordained from the beginning. You see, submission isn't a responsibility of only Jesus Christ and a wife. Submission is something in one degree or another that is expected and required of everyone. Submission is part of the relational roles that exist within the authority structures that god instituted at creation and that's why paul says in other places like ephesians 5 21 submit to one another out of reverence for christ or in romans 13 when he speaking of civil authorities submit to the governing authorities because there is no authority except that which god has instituted or in hebrews 13 17 in regard to church leaders obey your leaders and submit to them. Each instance displays that there's a God-ordained structure of authority that exists. This is the way God created things. These structures reflect an order that exists within the Godhead. Our God is a God of order. We're all familiar with that fact, aren't we? Submission is part of his good creation. And what this means in a practical sense is submission ought not to only exist within a christ-centered marriage in a christian marriage sure the wife has christ and a knowledge of christ to look to for strength and motivation for power to submit to her husband now just because the non-christian wife doesn't have that doesn't mean that she's not required to submit to her husband as well and what this further means is that if you're a christian wife married to a non-christian husband you're not exempt from what paul calls you to here in fact the christian wife has a great opportunity to display the light and love of christ through her submission to her unbelieving spouse just as peter says in first peter three wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives or as one pastor puts it quite balanced if you ask me he says unbelieving husbands need to see their wives quiet trust in God as a witness to the gospel and then he goes on to say even believing husbands need this example and so a christ-centered wife has a great opportunity to portray the light of christ through her own submission when she does that she brings honor and glory to her savior but what about husbands paul not only speaks of christ-centered wives but he addresses husbands what does it mean to be a christ-centered husband making christ all and in all as paul says here in verse 19, in regards to the husbands, means husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Two things that Paul lays out here, love and not being harsh. Let's begin with love. In regard to the role of a husband, Paul doesn't add the reference to Christ like he does in regards to the wife. He does do that in Ephesians 5, if you're familiar with that text, but he doesn't do it here but you see when we consider love from a biblical perspective it would be so foreign to scripture not to base our ideas of love upon the love of christ and that's why paul when giving this command in ephesians 5 adds the kind of love that husbands should have for their wives that's a kind of love like the love of christ it's no doubt that paul has this same kind of love in mind here in Colossians 3. Now, I mentioned it before, but a question I like to ask of a man who professes love for a woman is, what is love? What is love? Men, how would you answer that question? Paul Tripp tells the story of when he first professed love for his then girlfriend who would later become his wife she in a state of shock responded what did you say to me don't you ever say that to me again what do you know about love she said wow that's quite shocking right paul describes the situation he thought he was going to see birds and hear music playing he said he saw birds die when she responded that way you can imagine but he does go on to say she was right he knew very little about love he had a desire for her but he didn't really know much about love i think some men some husbands today still don't know much of what it means to love a wife what is love love is this not that we have loved but that God loved us and that he gave us his only son to be the propitiation for our sins our love must be a response to the love that God has for us and husbands this means that you ought to love your wives not because they deserve it not because of what they've done for you not because of how they make you feel you love because God has first loved you and he's loved you when you had nothing to offer him you never made him feel warm and fuzzy inside he loved you he loved you because he chose to see love is a commitment it's a choice and our love is motivated by God's commitment and choice to love us and that's why we choose to love because God has loved us so husbands when you don't feel like loving your wives set your mind on God's love for you and out of thankfulness for his love towards you. Love your wives. But our love isn't just motivated by God's love. It's also modeled after his love. How did God love us? Sacrificially, right? He sacrificially gave his only begotten son. How did Christ love us? Sacrificially. He gave his life upon a cross for us how are we to love our wives sacrificially by giving ourselves up for them just as christ loved the church and gave himself up for her now this means that there is no place for harsh treatment with our wives the word harsh that paul uses here has the connotation of bitterness, being harsh because we've grown bitter towards our wives. This happens, doesn't it? This happens in relationships. You live long enough with someone and you develop relational habits, ways that you relate to each other. And bitterness and harshness can be one of those relational habits that we develop. For instance, I don't know if this happens at your house, but for some reason at my house the volume on my wife's cell phone seems to mysteriously turn off all the time consistently all the time now i'm trying to be loving and not harsh and so i say mysteriously because my wife would never continuously have her cell phone on silent but as you can imagine i call and i call and i call and i call and some of you are not in your head you know how that is right and to no avail i try to get a hold of my wife i need to communicate something to her right i call i call i call and this happens mysteriously again and again and again and not only over a week or a month but over years and so we can imagine with something like this what do you think can so easily settle in my heart relationally towards my wife bitterness harsh treatment how do i avoid that i avoid that by setting my mind on the love of god towards me that gentle kind patient compassionate love because here's the real truth there are things in my life that don't just mysteriously happen there is sin that i wrestle with over and over and over and the lord is gracious and kind and patient and doesn't treat me as my sin deserves you see both of these respective callings for both the husband and the wife are difficult. I've heard some people try to argue over whose responsibility is more difficult, wives or husbands. I'm really not interested in understanding whose is more difficult. What I think we should understand is why these responsibilities are so difficult. Why aren't wives, out of fear and respect for their great and wonderful Lord, eager and desirous to submit to their husbands why is the issue of submission and the structure of god's ordained order become such a contentious and difficult issue today why aren't husbands out of a fear and love for their gracious and loving patient god and savior eager and desirous to graciously lay themselves aside out of love for their precious wives why are men so quick to be harsh insensitive critical with their wives and in a way really that god would never be towards us the answer is sin isn't it sin a desire to live for ourselves a desire to put ourselves before others a desire to put ourselves before our husbands before our wives and most certainly before our good and faithful god we want to live for ourselves that's so natural to our hearts right our hearts deceive us and lead us astray lead us to say no i will not submit to my husband no i will not love and be patient with my wife no i will not live a life of making christ all and in all friend that's a spirit of the old self the old man which we've cast it off in christ we've put on the new christ jesus our lord we're being renewed in him rooted and grounded in him it's interesting here if you would look down with me at verse 8 of chapter 2 where we see Paul say, see to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of this world and not according to Christ. Now that kind of philosophy certainly happens in regards to the war of the sexes. But Paul could have easily said here, see to it that your autonomous little hearts don't take you captive by empty deceit according to human tradition according to the elemental spirits of the world and not according to christ see our hearts are so ready to live for ourselves we don't need to be immersed in progressive feministic ideology to be tricked into thinking that wives don't need to submit to husbands we don't need to immerse ourselves in toxic masculinity to be tricked into thinking that husbands don't need to love and be gentle towards their wives. That's already in each of us. Our hearts are already ready to live for ourselves. So again, how do we do this? How do wives submit to their husbands? How do husbands love their wives? We do it in the same way that Paul has been telling us over and over throughout this book. We do so by focusing on Christ. We do so by seeking the things above where Christ is. We do so by setting our minds on the things above where Christ is. We do so by remembering that our lives are not our own. They've been bought with a price. And so live for the one who lived and died for you. Wives, if you're finding it difficult to submit to your husbands, as I can only imagine, don't focus on living for your husband. Focus on living for Christ. And by his spirit, through his word, he will equip you with what you need to be a Christ-centered wife. Husbands, if you're finding it difficult to love and not be harsh towards your wives, don't focus on living for your wives focus on living for christ and by his spirit through his word he will equip you with everything you need to be a christ-centered husband christ christ is the key to living in a christ-centered life christ is the key to being a christ-centered wife a christ-centered husband so in our marriages brothers and sisters out of thankfulness for the submission of christ and the love of god to us let's make christ all in all in all of our marriages let's pray lord we thank you tonight for the gift of marriage we thank you for our wives thank you for our husbands but we do pray lord that you would continue to work in each of us to enable us and equip us to do that which you call us to do to live for christ and in doing that lord may we again display to a watching world the beauty and the wonder of christian marriage the beauty and wonder of living for Christ and making Him all and in all. We pray this in His name. Amen.