We're continuing our series tonight in human sexuality, and I'd be remiss not to now and to really think of some practical things and ways that we can answer the challenges that are in front of us tonight. We're going to be looking at the responsibility of husbands and wives, and so I'm going to we're working through the the catechism that i produced and a few question answers here that i'll read and then we'll read ephesians chapter 5 the first one is how should husbands seek to love and honor their wives husbands should demonstrate sincere love to their wives and reverence for christ through the exercise of loyalty kindness understanding tenderness self-control and sexual purity by all means avoiding verbal emotional and physical abuse or controlling behavior and by providing godly leadership men ought to be a good example to their wives of the love that christ has for his church and then question 36 how should wives seek to love and honor their husbands wives should demonstrate sincere love to their husbands in reverence for christ through the exercise of respect patience honor encouragement self-denial contentment and by finding delight in godly submission that pleases the Lord. Women ought to be a good example to their husbands of the responsive love that the church has for Christ. And in Ephesians chapter 5, we have that great call in verse 22, wives, where it says, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water by the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ in the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband that's the end of the reading well tonight we continue our study as we move through study in human sexuality sexuality and now we begin to think a little bit about how to make a positive difference in the midst of our cultural chaos you might say that we're seeing and living through in other words from here on out i really do want to focus on the things that we can practically do as Christians that will that will affect change and actively help I think as we saw this morning the encouragement as we live in the city to pray for the city and how we can be a blessing in the city and have a strong witness to the gospel of Jesus Christ that is a question of course I think that Christians are all interested in right now what what do we do in the midst of all of this we're not just retreatists what do we what do we do that's the question everyone seems to be interested in and most people fall into two extremes at this point they want to try to reclaim the culture by reclaiming the government for christ or people simply become sort of retreatists thinking that nothing can be done and these extremes abound there's always extremes in response but i think most people want to do something big to affect change well it was interesting this morning in that verse i had so many of you come up after and say that that jeremiah verse profoundly affected you it says we live in the city uh to build homes uh to pray for the peace and the good of the city that's good that's a good thing for all of us but you'll notice in the heart of that was build the family build a family have children flourish that way we've already been through the rates people aren't having children in our nation right now it's 1.6 per family that's an important point we can come back to that i have addressed well one of the most important ways to begin tonight to think of a positive witness and influence in our times of what is good and right is to we think to do something big but what is one of the more simple ways the more important ways that we don't think a lot of none of this will matter nor will we have any kind of right effect of society unless something is not pursued something is not is left undone and it has to do with marriage it has to do with marriage and i think one of the most important things that we can simply recover today one of the most important things that we can simply be doing when everyone asks the question what do we do right now in the midst of all this here's a big earth-shattering answer tonight love your spouse love your spouse the love between a husband and a wife is very powerful and if we are loving and giving ourselves to the pursuit of love it will be remarkable the witness and the effect that will have in a society that does not know this that's a simple call and i think it may be one of the most overlooked solutions at the moment it's important um in marriage its importance cannot be underestimated i would um suggest tonight that if we are able to model well love in marriage if we are able to pursue and i'm going to come back next time the next sermon will be for singles so i'm not i'm not forgetting you in this study but if we can model well love in marriages that will have a great effect on the family which in turn affects society there's a chain there it's important it's very important it's not rocket science might be what is so commonly not practiced in marriage that has led much to its demise today the apostle said in the last days that people will refrain from marriage and what are being said about it is precisely the absence of love the absence of love that has led in many ways to the demise of marriage in many respects it has been replaced and there's a reason that we live in a highly charged culture that's talking about abuse a lot you can overreact to that but abuse is the common language being being an issue that's being addressed today all over the map well we need to think about that we have to think properly about how husbands and wives should relate to one another how they should treat one another and what kind of effect that has the lord gives great attention to this did you notice that tonight it obviously is very important to him because there's something behind it that it exhibits that we cannot miss so that's my goal tonight to think about this thing we only hear about weddings on weddings when you only hear first corinthians 13 is at a wedding and you know what you're going to hear love one another well that's not a little calling and we want to listen carefully to the lord's positive call tonight to love our spouses as one of the most in crucial and important ways that we testify to the world of what the gospel is indeed all about so i want to begin with first the problem that we face as husbands and wives the calling then that we are to pursue and the witness that we have in this pursuit of a holy sexuality the reason the apostle paul called the husband to love his wife as christ does the church is far greater than we understand and important especially with a lot of historical background that comes into that culturally throughout history the kind of love that is held out in the scriptures has been grossly absent in marriages it goes right back to the fall of course the problem the wonderful intimacy between a man and a woman was given in marriage husband and wife in marriage and they were given to comfort one another to care for one another god designed something absolutely beautiful in this life think about it that we need this this blessing of companionship unless you have the rare exception to be single god wired us to need companionship that is supplied in the marriage relationship that he ordained and it is a beautiful thing it is a wonderful thing it's wired into the fabric of how god made things well the great question of what happened to marriage is is an important one um i won't go through all that history we've been through that quite a bit but from the beginning you remember god had made them male and female important concept important classification for our day for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh so they are no longer two but one flesh there's there's a profound mystery here that we're going to to get to in a moment but god created man and a woman at creation he had in view that when he created Adam and when he created Eve there would be a beautiful intimate union together that he would even it's so intimate and so important that he took Eve from the rib of Adam to declare that the intention for them that he would join one man that he created and one woman to be created to become one in union in marriage made by him. Satan didn't like that. Satan didn't like that at all. I don't know if we give enough thought to it that what he was, one of the effects of his work in the garden was to drive a wedge right from the beginning, a division between them so as to break the love and the trust that defines the marriage relationship he's always working at that he is always good at that he always wants to separate you in your marriage he always is working to destroy your marriage and to find ways to drive you apart from each other you have to understand that that was his plan right from the beginning if you don't get that then you don't understand what you're up against in marriage That was his great work. He seduced Eve away from Adam. And it wasn't as if Adam was absent. I don't know how you can miss it, but when she had the fruit and she took it and gave to her husband, it says he was with her. Where were you, Adam? That was the question in the garden to Adam. Adam, where are you? my guess is that question still reverberates into many marriages this day you can just supplement the husband's name where are you where are you satan sought to separate that which god had joined together right from the beginning when god remember that said the two shall become one satan heard that satan knew that satan's effort was to begin to destroy the family he knew that if he could destroy the family right from the beginning the project would be lost the purpose would be overturned the foundation of society would be ripped apart if he could destroy the family one of the things he accomplished was to bring disunity between adam and eve didn't he it was a big disunity we see it in the blame game that followed after the fall um first she was everything to adam this is this is bone of my bone this is flesh of my flesh there was a wedding here yesterday and i i don't know if i'll ever get tired of saying it but you know it's a healthy wedding when the groom is standing there shaking and crying when he looks at his bride it's a beautiful thing i like to say every time this must have been what it was like when God brought Eve to Adam wow she's bone of my bone she's flesh of my flesh she walks down the aisle and she's beautiful and she's radiant and she's dressed in white and he looks at her thinking that's God's gift to me for life a beautiful thing interject Satan, interject his temptations, interject the division he drove right between them. And here comes the blame game. What did you do? The woman you gave me did this. He just threw his wife under the bus. What a terrible thing. He blamed his wife. The wife blamed the serpent. and then come the curses you remember specifically what he said to the woman your desire shall be for your husband but he shall rule over you that's a tough verse we've looked at it before i've given a lot of thought to it we typically see this as the struggle and i think there's absolutely captured there the struggle between the husband and the wife but there's also the important thing to say that God what God may have done there and I think we could see this play out in history is return to the woman the desire to be loved in marriage she wants to be loved but the curse left a challenge that love would be a great challenge in marriage history's played that out when the apostle Paul commanded Ephesian men the Ephesian men to love their wives as Christ loved the church that wasn't just a statement that was thrown out that didn't have a cultural context that had a long not only cultural context for the moment had a long historical context he was clearly reacting to the way that women were treated in the first century we know that in the rabbi school of Hillel among the Jews the teaching prevailed that if a woman displeased a man for any reason for spoiling his dinner he could divorce her i mean this is in the jewish writings it became so bad women refused to marry demosony said we have courtesans for our pleasure concubines for our daily cohabitation and wives for the purpose of having children legitimately and have a faithful guardian for our household affairs is that love you think that's the design that's history of marriage anyone knows a marriage is incredibly hard work requires a lot of self-denial for it to go well and it takes a long time there has to be a lot of patience in marriage because we come in very selfish and we have to grow and you've got to give your spouse time to grow in these things that's just what has to happen but this divide that happened at the fall led to this problem of a breakdown in what the marriage was designed to be in love it's so beautiful it's pure it's right it's good there's an account given that's been thrown out there and i'll just read it tonight and i think it captures well the struggle at least for americans in marriage in our running around lifestyle we have a lifestyle that is so busy we just don't stop and sit and think and spend time with one another this woman's writing said this my kids are in bed there's nothing on tv tonight i asked my husband if he minds if i turn off the tube he grunts as i walk to the set my mind is racing maybe tonight we'll talk i mean have a conversation that consists of more than my usual question or his mumbled one word answer or no answer at all I interject something he would never do at work if he has to climb the ladder of success. Since I live in a world of continuous noise, but between him and me, silence. Please, oh God, let him open up. I initiate again for the thousandth time my heart pounds. Oh, how can I word at this time? What can I say that will open the door to just talk? I don't have to have a deep, meaningful conversation. Just something. As I open my mouth, he gets up and he goes to the bedroom. the door closes behind him the light showing under the door gives way to darkness and so goes my hope i sit alone on the couch and my heart begins to ache i'm so tired of being alone hey i'm married i have been married for years why do i sit alone the sadness undergoes through a change slowly then through increased fervor i get mad i am mad i'm sick and tired of living with a sissy and coward you know he's afraid of me hostile you say you better believe it i'm sick and tired of living in a world of passive men she goes on to say in the letter dad how the dad never plays with the children um but he's too busy he has time for golf riding the four-wheeler um even more moving here as she speaks of her daughter the daughter's beginning to like boys i know what's coming she needs her father yet my husband has no time for her no hugs no care nothing she closes the letter by saying worst of all this is the same thing his father did to him wow now you see if you've ever felt any of that that's what the fall brought this is the struggle in marriage it's real there's a lack of love think of the well-known account of the struggle of marriage it's it's just it's true that when there's there's a healthy love between a husband and a wife it has a formative effect on children and children grow up healthy and they see that when love is absent children grow up struggling themselves to know and think of a young girl what is love how do i get love what should the relationship be it's never been modeled now see the struggle i mean i could go on um with that comes this call to love in marriage when paul spoke of the marriage of believers he saw it as something that was obviously to be different and i've tried to get my head around this um it's an important point god established marriage and as much as it is under attack it's still ordained by god love marks marriage but saying that love is what makes a marriage work but saying that might not immediately help you know i look at a lot of non-believers who are married and enter into marriage and they seem to enjoy and can love one another because marriage is blessed by the lord there has to be something different in the christian's marriage what is it the heart of it comes down to something jesus said a new commandment i give to you love one another as i have loved you so also you must love one another by this all men will know you're my disciples if you love one another how important is that for marriage john heard that and picked it up and said do not love as the world loves the world obviously can love rather love as christ has taught you to love what's he talking about what is love it's the love he taught us he taught us there was always this command of love love is the summary of the law of course but we didn't understand love we didn't know love until we looked at the cross it was jesus who came down to do what his father had given him to do and what was his sole purpose in coming to this earth you could capture it really as paul does in ephesians 5 to lay down his life for his bride in an incredible act of sacrificial love in an incredible act and who is this of denial of himself think about that humility he gave himself to completely restore what was lost he casts that love with the great purpose of accomplishing something beautiful what did he accomplish for us he accomplished washing us and cleansing us and forgiving our sins Paul puts all of that work in the context of marriage. Jesus is the bridegroom coming completely to restore the broken marriage. What is different between our marriages and the world? Well, the unbeliever really has no higher aim in marriage, no higher goal in marriage. They may enjoy love because God gave marriage and blessed marriage as a common institution for all to enjoy. But there's no higher goal above themselves in it. What is our goal? What makes our marriage different? Well, we've been taught love by God. We see how much He did to pick us up from the messes that we are and our sin. He rescued us in love. He came after us in love. He pursued us in love. What a calling. I don't think anyone can do this apart from the work of the Spirit, let me just say. I want your marriages to reflect that. Our marriages have a goal that the worlds do not. To glorify God. It has an infinitely greater purpose as we seek to glorify God by our love for one another there people see the sacrificial love of christ that's the profound mystery paul's talking about it's agape love it's selfless love it's love that doesn't fall out of love it couldn't fall out of love that's a worldly concept love is patient love is kind love does not envy or boast it's not arrogant or rude it doesn't insist on its own way it's not irritable or resentful it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth love in marriage bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things love never fails so how are we to love well i tried to capture that how should husbands seek to love and honor their wives and i putting together all the scripture husbands should demonstrate sincere love to their wives how so when you love your wife you're doing it in reverence for christ meaning he designed designed our marriages to reflect his love how do we love through the exercise of loyalty number one that means that my love my eyes my desire my affections my heart is to be as a husband for my wife it's very important now i understand that we're not perfectionists i understand this calling seems so far beyond us i've preached on forgiveness i preached on help i preached on the spirit that doesn't negate the call here that in marriage i am to demonstrate a sincerity of love to my wife a loyal love to my wife i am to demonstrate kindness to her see that the whole history of that has not been good understanding it's interesting of what was written by the apostles husbands in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives treat them with respect as the weaker partner and heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers that that weakness is not moral or spiritual or mental or physical ability mental abilities he's he's thinking of the the physical differences um that between a man and a woman to consider and be sensitive to the differences between how god made a man and how god made your your husband how god made your wife she's she's wired different she's made different you're not to exercise control and and um abusive behavior over her to love her with all sexual purity there's a really important aspect to this love since the falls affected sensitivities right i mean we're not men are not the most sensitive of creatures are they husband is physically stronger that is never to be used by way of abuse ever we are never to verbally cut down our wives or emotionally or physically abuse them isn't it sad i have to preach that i shouldn't have to say that but the whole history of the human race bears out this problem that men can be absolutely brutal to their wives let me say this headship's a beautiful thing it's a concept that's fallen on very hard times in our in our culture but sure the man is head of the wife as christ is head of the church in a functional way but that does not mean the man is to ever exercise sinful control or women submit kind of control over her that's not that's not the design does jesus do that to us there have been awful things written that view the wife even in our days like a slave you remember reverend camminga telling me that his father here's the image you should take his father used to take his wife breakfast in bed now i just laid a heavy yoke on all the men here i haven't really done that yet i'll take coffee but isn't that image beautiful the husband serving his wife does christ serve you it's tenderness it's understanding sacrificially exalts the wife that's what ephesians 5 is capturing husbands love your wives just as christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy cleansing her by the washing of water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless in the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. And Paul's saying here, which he calls a profound mystery, is that that sacrificial love is what he wants you to think about when you think about your spouse, that the gospel should inform, the gospel should inform how husbands treat their wives. What Paul is outlining here and what he wants in our minds when we read that is to say, that is Christ's love for the church. That's how he gave himself to purify us and to sanctify us and to die for us, to give us everything. And that's the mindset he wants when we think of our wives. That's what he's saying here. As Christ was to us, so husbands should be like this to their wives. It's love that is patient and long-suffering and merciful and forgiving and compassionate all those servant qualities the emphasis here is not on our authority let's say that the emphasis here is not on the headship the emphasis is on love now for the wife how should wives seek to love and honor their husbands with the same reverence for Christ, they should be, show their husbands respect. It's interesting that the passage ends with that. Respect your husbands. For some reason, maybe it's the sinful nature. There's a challenge at times for wives to respect their husbands. That's what the calling is here. Be patient with them. Men, husbands need a lot of patience. You could ask my wife. Treat them with respect and kindness. Don't cut down your husband. Honor him. Big responsibility here. Encourage him. That curse he bears too, of toiling to provide. Here a godly wife stands out in her role as she greatly encourages her husband. It is just absolutely true that behind any good man is a supportive, faithful, encouraging wife who is constantly building him up, strengthening him, praying for him, sacrificially loving him as Christ loved her. And probably one of the most misunderstood concepts as with headship is submission today. Wives, submit to your husbands. And you know that just makes today in our culture people recoil. That's not a bad word. It's a bad word if it comes in an abusive context. We almost equate that concept of submission with oppression today. That's what we hear when we hear. That's not God's design. The imagery here is that of the church responding to Christ. Submitting herself to Christ. Honoring Christ because He's everything. It's beautiful. Christ is our all. Taking delight in the role as a wife to be the man's help me. That's not oppressive. It's beautiful. It's right. It's blessed by God. And just as a husband can influence the wife, so Peter said, a wife can greatly influence her husband. Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. That is so beautiful. I said here wives are to be a good examples to their husbands of the responsive love that the church has for Christ this is the design husband sacrificially loves his wife paying attention to her enjoying her finding her beautiful serving her the natural response of a woman will be a responding vessel to that love do we respond that way to christ's love of course we do i want you to think of that intimate communion enjoying one another as your best friend in this life that's important i say here in the end that there's a great witness in this love What do I mean? Imagine how children are affected when they see parents fighting, when they see parents cutting each other down, separate from each other, disconnected in marriage, without love, serving themselves, breaking the union with infidelity. It has a profound effect on how children are shaped and formed. Imagine children who grow up and see a healthy relationship between a husband and a wife but think about again babylon build homes have children imagine the effect in a society where children see healthy love i know we don't live the gospel i don't like that language but certainly by our love our marriages this is what paul says here can indeed showcase the mystery of the love of Christ and his church and that has a profound effect and influence in training them that alone to demonstrate the same kind of kind of qualities in their own marriages remember the story the sad thing is his dad did the same number on him you see that's how you can make a profound difference in this world it's amazing this week to read a new york times article um from uh from a liberal not even a believer this is a very progressive um liberal person titled one the one privilege liberals ignore hmm i wanted to read that what was it the importance of the family this is this was astonishing to read in the new york times the article is about the devastating social effects on children who are raised in single parent homes now again god gives grace in situations there may be situations like that here but in general is what i'm talking about he said this the united states is an outlier in family breakdown a pew study of 130 countries found that american children were more likely to live with a single parent than those of any other nation on earth the article says they are more likely to become single parents themselves perpetuating the cycle and what are the divorce rates it's not imagine not just parents who stay together okay not just parents who don't divorce but parents who remain faithful for a lifetime overcoming the challenges overcoming the obstacles and loving one another if you had that in this nation you would fundamentally change the dynamics of everything you're seeing fundamentally and this is why as christians we can have a great influence this way everyone's asking what to do it's not rocket science as our marriages are designed to tell the greater story of the love of christ and his sacrificial death for us so what we can do in cultural chaos like this where marriage is being toppled over it's not rocket science it begins right in our homes squarely with husbands and wives who take seriously this commandment living in understanding this the forgiveness of sins because we're not perfect understanding that you're going to fail along the way understanding that god strengthens and renews us but this commandment as thankful in response to Christ and his love for us this will make a great difference a new commandment I give you love one another as I have loved you so you must love one another so I'm giving you a new commandment love each other let's pray Heavenly Father, thank you. We need your help in this. We fail and are convicted that our love is often very selfish. And we're so grateful, O Lord, for the sacrificial love of the Savior who has washed us and purified us and cleansed us from all sin. Help us in our marriages to love one another as you call us to do and to be thankful, humble, and may it be recovered in our day marriage. We know you hear the prayers of your saints. Would you again restore marriage in this place, in this city? And would we be a blessing in leading in that witness? Thank you, O Lord, for hearing us tonight. In Jesus' name, amen.