well this series has indeed been challenging in many respects uh to go through and to teach through uh it's been healthy for me to push myself on these issues to preach things that typically i would never really choose to to preach and um obviously in this arena things get and people get neglected um and so that's why it's helpful to have a series like this to address certain things and the Lord has laid it upon me I was writing when I wrote the catechism I had left out a question on on singles and somebody a wise pastor said I really think you need a question in there to help singles through their struggles and I said you're absolutely right you're absolutely right and this is what we're addressing tonight I was somewhat concerned about this sermon because you know here's the pastor who's married going to tell singles how to how to how to live and how through their struggles when you might think i'm not quite as sensitive as a married person to your particular struggle well that's true that could be but i'm thankful for the scriptures which give us direction on this and i was concerned to properly encourage you tonight as the scriptures do but to think through the single life and what God has to say about that and then as I started working on this particular message I realized this is such an important sermon for this series a very important sermon for this series because just as we know of our Lord where the most needy are where those who are struggling with the Lord's will in their life where they're struggling with the lord most in what he is has in his provisions and where he has them in their station in life and his good gifts there we often find in the scriptures for those who are the most needy the most comfort and the most consolation and the most help the lord i don't have to make the case tonight you know this cares greatly for those who are struggling to wait upon him for his provisions that's in all provisions of life and there's a reason we're taught to pray give us this day our daily bread we're thinking of our our needs in this life our our physical needs and there are some who struggle at times feeling that the lord has not answered their cries the lord has not answered their prayers even though they've asked for this and what are they to do has he abandoned them has he refused to hear them is he not helping them? Why doesn't he provide for them the way that others have experienced and received good gifts from the Lord? Well, his word gives unspeakable comfort to those who feel and struggle with these things, who feel empty and who feel alone, and for those who feel at times abandoned, unsure of the future. All of these experiences of life the Lord addresses in the scriptures we have psalms that talk about how much care he has for the widow and the orphan and the afflicted so he has a word tonight of great encouragement to those who are are singles that's the theme that we're working with tonight and this matter is not just for one segment of the congregation that's not the goal of this is to sort of set out one segment of the congregation but to realize that this is a matter that belongs to the whole congregation it's important for the whole congregation to care and to pray for those who are in need that's a huge part of this that's what it means to belong to the body of christ to think through those things so this sermon in addressing singleness is indeed for all of us tonight that we may think through the lord's purposes and his good purposes in many members struggle this way that oftentimes goes unnoticed or at times we don't think about on that struggle and the loneliness that comes out of and the need for and the desire for companionship in addressing the issue of singleness which speaks to many different people here tonight it speaks to the widow and the widower and the young single who is unsure whether they will ever be married or whether they even desire to be married whether or not they want to be married it speaks to to all these different groups tonight in a very important way i've titled this message titled it gospel encouragement for for singles but i also could have titled the message the gift of singleness the gift of singleness maybe you haven't thought too much about why would we indeed call that a gift and that's what i want to make a case for tonight i want to consider this outlook that god gives in the scriptures on this particular issue and then the opportunities that he speaks of for singles and then the godly orientation that God calls us to have in whatever calling he has for us in this life so the outlook the opportunity and the godly orientation God said at the beginning you remember that verse we quote a lot it is not good for man to be alone not good I understand the challenge of that God has so made things and ordered things and wired things that the general rule amount around us is that that we are called to be married and to enjoy marriage that's an important truth of the scriptures most people sitting here tonight in this congregation most people in this congregation are married but there's a sizable portion who are are not one of the most difficult pains to experience in this life are i know of course are those who were married many years many years and then after many years of enjoying companionship the lord takes their spouse and now they sit alone after many years of enjoying companionship i just don't think you can't appreciate that until you've actually lived that how difficult that is I've watched my mom go through that and it has just not been easy years later only those living know the heartache of it of it but then there are those children and young people who are singles who really have not yet matured enough to think too much about it their own calling as singles in this life they they're just not in the place for marriage yet so they haven't thought much about it and and the Lord wants you to think about it the lord encourages you to think about it the lord wants you to think a lot about marriage and to think about also your station in life as a single and then there are those young adults and those well into adulthood who are in this place of desiring marriage and no spouse has been provided that's a very difficult situation in life for people and then there are those who may have given up on this they just are bitter maybe they heard tonight pastor's going to preach on singles i'm just not interested in listening to that because this has become such a struggle for them thinking they are called to be single because god hasn't provided and then there are those who have absolutely no desire for marriage and then there are those situations where someone may have been abandoned then there are situations where there may have been divorce there are situations of infidelity that has left people alone all of you living in a certain situation these situations where marriage is the norm of life and yet you are alone so what is the will of god how are we to help people through this i don't think we think enough about the burden of this his design is clearly in the norm companionship his design is marriage this is what he put together a man and a woman a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh and then you have verses like this and maybe this for some is a very difficult verse he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the lord well what does that mean for those who desire marriage and god has not supplied spouse is there no favor is it his will then that singleness is his will for your life and that that's where you are to be and where you are to remain for the rest of your life. You see, this is difficult, isn't it? It's hard at times to determine the will of the Lord on these things. And the first thing I want to say tonight is that a proper outlook on all this is really important. A proper outlook on all this is very important. The first thing is to say that that to be single is not a curse but it is a gift you're whatever the station is in life that is a gift right now that's how we have to think about this now i realize i'm gonna have to make somewhat of a case for that but what i'm most concerned about are the for those who are maybe frustrated with god because of the particular circumstance confused maybe is a better word living in the struggle of this because of particular circumstance of God taking a spouse or that God has not yet provided a spouse some may even have just given up to the point where singleness they think is God's will and therefore they've given up on the idea of getting married the first thing tonight is encouraged to encourage the reframing of our minds I think on this whole issue what we've seen in the church and let me just now be a little practical here for a minute on this particular struggle because marriage is happening so late and because the maturity levels of men are vastly different than that of women today what we've seen in the church are a bunch of young people say there's no spouses what am i to do so they take matters into their own hands they say well i'm going to go find myself and we've seen this sort of path taken to find another church and another youth group in another place where there are a bunch of people to put me in an environment where i will get married and there might be some kind of wisdom in saying it's good to be around other young people my age but let me say what generally happens what we've seen is the great problem i think in our day when it comes to this issue is that our young people who've been trained so well in the faith who've been catechized and taught the truth and have strong convictions about what is true and what is right have been trained so well in what we believe they face the temptation constantly to end up marrying people who don't at all have the same level of maturity or commitment and because of impatience they push their circumstances and their wills back on god and this is a mystery it's hard to understand in the providence of everything end up marrying someone who does not share their theological convictions who does not share the same level of maturity who does not hold the things they've been trained with and what do you think the consequences are of that i mean something we have to think through the trajectory of that the consequences of that are one of them is that they are not headed in a more strengthening direction for their future. Typically what we see is a sort of lowest common denominator Christianity that they will find. This was my grandmother. This is common. My grandmother was raised in a very convicted church. She was taught the truth and she married even a non-believer. This was a very strict reformed background. had a hard life because of it she didn't listen and for years my grandmother would take my father and my uncle to church and my grandfather would sit on the couch drinking beer and mocking them that was one side on the other side my grandmother did the same thing raised in the church married a non-believer who was down at the bar every night do you know how hard that marriage was do you know how much dysfunction and challenge they had because of that but it's not just non-believers it's levels of maturity it's convictions that matter this is the real experience of people this is what we see happen it's like charles spurgeon when he was uh counseling a young girl who wanted to marry a guy who wasn't very committed to the faith he said you better not do it she says well i'm gonna do it and charles spurgeon said here right here here's a table here's a table i want you to stand on this table she stands on the table says pull me up spurgeon's a big guy pull me up she's i can't pull you up pastor spurgeon he grabbed her hand he went you marry this guy that's exactly what he'll do to you I mean it's serious business you don't want to make a mistake here we have to take marriage seriously to wait upon the Lord prayerfully for the spouse that he chooses and if you think I'm ignorant on this point I can testify I did this I never got married but I was engaged to a gal who had no theological convictions. I did the missionary dating thing. I did it. I convinced myself in my mind that this gal, because she all of a sudden took interest in me and was coming to church and would be there in church, that it must be from the Lord. It must be from the Lord. I did the missionary dating thing. It's amazing how many people around me and around me learned to justify that. god broke it off she was a softball player in college she got three concussions within a matter of two weeks now he was merciful but had i married that gal i would have been divorced today and i would not be your pastor think about that it's serious here's my first point tonight your outlook must be godly he cares for you as singles you're not abandoned and when you hear that verse he who finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the lord that is on his time clock that is in his provision that is in his plan and one way to think of it is that i like to think of is that that god is already preparing your spouse you ever thought that's why the person has not come around yet if you don't believe that go back and read the story of genesis 26 and God preparing Rebecca for Isaac. That is one long chapter. Do you know how much attention and how much detail is given to finding a bride for Isaac? How much work went into that? You study that. It's complex. It's difficult. And by the end, God had supplied the bride for Isaac. It's one of the longest and most difficult constructed, I think, passages there in Genesis to show in this long narrative how much work had to go into God providing the spouse for Isaac directed in God's timing according to his purpose so what I'm saying tonight is your singleness at the moment is a gift your weight is a gift and I encourage you not to get frustrated or bitter at the Lord for this you can't see the whole picture yet you can't see the whole picture there's a bigger picture that you don't, you're not writing the script to. You're not in a waiting room right now. I guess that's a good way to say it. You're not in the waiting room, unsure of what to do with your life until God provides the spouse. You're not in the waiting room. You can't force that hand. It doesn't work that way. You can't say, I'm going to leave my convictions and go to a place of no conviction and then try to find a spouse in that that's not how it works god supplies a spouse when you least expect it when we are resting and trusting i'll come back to that not trying to control providence now you say i i need some scripture on this i need some encouragement from the scriptures on this and paul directly addressed this it's a really amazing passage there i think is somewhat shocking that he says in first corinthians 7 i want you free from anxieties the unmarried man is anxious about the things of the lord how to please the lord but the married man is anxious about worldly things how to please his wife and his interests are divided you see what he's going after there he's trying to give perspective on this he's trying to help them through this that this is the the thing that he says here he says the same thing uh about about the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the lord how to be holy in body and spirit but the married woman is anxious about worldly things how to please her husband that's not casting aspersions and doubt about the goodness of marriage that's not what he's trying to do he's trying to help them see the gift of singleness in the way that God has blessed that for the opportunities that they are in and the time they are in. He just said life faces various anxieties, doesn't it? Anyone who is married, and that's not a curse, anyone who's married knows there is a lot of work and there is a lot of commitment that needs to be invested to please your spouse. That's a lot of time. That's a lot of investment. That's not a bad thing. But it's something that has to be, because that's what marriage requires. Sacrificial denial of yourself, and pleasing your spouse, and serving your spouse. I have needs in marriage, my wife has needs in marriage, emotionally, physically, socially, materially, and we give us a significant amount of time um to do what is right to please our spouses and many of those pursuits are just simply that they're they're worldly pursuits that doesn't mean they're evil pursuits but they're worldly things we have to do there's nothing wrong with that that's what marriage sacrificially requires paul ends this by saying i want to secure your your station undivided devotion to the lord that's pretty special that is pretty special now i just mentioned a whole range of singles here tonight that applies to every one of you the spirit inspired this what he's saying is beautiful if you're a widow if you're a widower let's say you believe you don't have the gift for marriage let's say you desire marriage but no spouse he just said all of you whatever station you are have a special opportunity to enjoy your walk and fellowship in devotion to christ and to be undivided in that it's more opportunity that you give to give attention to your walk with christ he sees that as a gift his sole purpose i think is to encourage those in this station of life this is what i'm i'm saying in the catechism singles who do not desire marriage are called to holiness and body and spirit in the special opportunities they have to give undivided devotion to the Lord, yet should remain open to God's will for marriage, for God to provide a spouse, and to change one's desire for marriage. So the outlook drives the perspective on the opportunities, you see. If we're bitter, if we think we're in a waiting room, if we think we're going nowhere, if we think we're not a part of the body of christ if we think we have no importance in our station if we don't value where god has called us right now if we're always looking to the next biggest thing this isn't anything of life you're missing what he has called you to right now that's what he's saying you have these opportunities and freedom to enjoy christ whether you desire marriage or not you should be open to the fact that at some point he may bring that spouse to you see see again notice the perspective here in all of this is how sovereign God is in directing the marriage relationship and bringing people together he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord what God has joined together let not man separate God is the one uniting and bringing so this is this is hard for our minds to reconcile all that but that's the perspective that he wants us to have so you see the perspective you have special opportunities to serve christ that is that his people as his people and think about those who are married you have special opportunities that they do not that's so important for you that's a good thing for you you can visit people you can encourage people you can help the needy and opportunities that are not as readily available to those married you can pray for them more you can serve in the church more there's a whole variety of things to sort of and and as we know when we get stuck in in ourselves it's difficult that the best way is to serve one another consider your neighbor and he says a second thing and the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the lord how to be holy in body and spirit but the married woman is anxious about worldly things how to please her husband i say this to your own benefit not to lay a restraint upon you but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the lord there's the tie what does he say here it is his will not to fulfill and gratify yourself sexually in the single status that you have, but that you can, now listen to this, practice holiness in body and soul as a single. It's a lie that says you can't live without gratifying the sexual desires that you have and that's the reason that you have to be married um paul talks about burning and it's better to marry if you burn but he doesn't want after he said that singles to think that a holy life is impossible as single in body and spirit that actually should be the particular pursuit in the moment. As anyone will know, don't ever think sexual problems are solved once you get married. They are not. So he's encouraging you to strive for this in your singleness as a blessing from the Lord. And let me say that just like anyone struggling with their station in life, the best way is to consider others, serve others. And that leads me to this final point tonight on a godly orientation what i mean is to look at your singleness as god's way of training you especially in contentment again the catechism singles who desire marriage are called to contentment and prayer trusting the lord in every circumstances he knows best for us yet realizing that only christ makes us fulfilled and that ultimate joy is found in christ whether a single or married that is such an important point ultimate joy is found in christ whether you're single or whether you're married a lot of people misunderstand that about marriage maybe what we should consider in singleness is what our lord is teaching us here is that ultimately now this is important for marriage that ultimately a spouse can never fulfill the true void of our hearts did you all hear that i think that's important a spouse can never fulfill the true void of our hearts remember the woman at the well five husbands and the one she has now is not her husband she was trying to find satisfaction and she didn't have the Lord the Lord wants us to find satisfaction in Him to be fulfilled in Him that He would satisfy the greatest longing of our hearts in whatever our calling, the station in life widow, young adult, He doesn't want us panicking he doesn't want us pushing him in his timing he doesn't want us getting angry he wants us to commit it to prayer and maybe the important thing to say is especially to the widows and the widowers you're not alone you are not alone you never were alone the lord is with you you have on top of that a church family learn to lean on your family to enjoy your brothers and sisters i think too many of our young singles don't feel they have any place in the church and maybe we have something to do with that it's not true you have a place in the church and so some stay away because or don't attend much because they just don't connect with it all. Or maybe are floating spiritually or are giving up. The healthiest place you can be is with God's family. The best place you can be is with the family of the Lord and His Word that strengthens you, that helps you, that encourages you, that lifts you up. And watch Him provide in ways that surprise you. I don't want to talk about my story too much, but that gal after those three concussions as we were engaged dumped me. I was pretty devastated. I came back from college. I went home. You know what I did? By God's grace, I started serving in the church and I became a Christian school teacher. and i sat in the church and i said there's nobody here and everyone was trying to set me up with somebody you know there was one gal there and they were pushing me hard to take her out on a date and i said i'm just not interested and then as i was serving in the church serving in the kingdom my dad says to me hey darcy just came back home from college oh i forgot about that other gal pretty quick let me tell you we were married within three months well the lord taught me a lot about waiting on him that it wasn't my plan god brought eve to adam god brought rebecca to isaac jacob got in his mess because he rushed things himself there's something to be learned about contentment i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well-fed or hungry whether living in plenty or in one i can do now here's the verse that has a context i can do all things through christ who strengthens me you want to apply that verse apply it to your singleness i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. You ever, I'll close with this, you ever watch couples, and it doesn't always happen this way, but I've seen enough of it to make a point of it. You ever watch couples who are desperately trying to have a child and cannot? And then one day they give up. And they stop trying so desperately, stop worrying about it. And then, boom, there she's pregnant. I've seen that I don't know how many times. It's an interesting thing. When you learn that you are already full, that you are already provided for, that you are already fulfilled, and you learn to enjoy Christ today in whatever you're stationed in life, that you are fulfilled today, and you learn to know that you are not alone, the burden's off. The burden's off. You don't have to run around and try to solve this. It never was yours to take on yourself to begin with. Then, the Lord may send that spouse where you never expected the spouse to come. None of it was in your control. I am fulfilled either way because Christ loves me. Because Christ gave Himself for me. That's enough. Is it enough? He will guide my future. And in whatever state I am, I've learned to be content. And therefore, not my will, O Lord, but Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. That's the best place you can be right now let's pray heavenly father help our singles help the widow and the widower comfort them let them know that you love them that you care for them that you provide for them and we pray earnestly indeed if they desire to be married that you would supply that spouse in your timing. And may it be a spouse who shares the same level of commitment and love for you, even beyond. And one, Lord, where that marriage will be so exemplary of Christ's love for the church that all that weight will have been as nothing because oh lord they learned in that way to enjoy their walk with you and to trust your gracious provisions supply their needs encourage them strengthen them let them not be discouraged but encouraged and may you bless them oh lord with a joyful walk with you today in jesus name we pray amen Thank you.