Well, I invite you to turn this morning to Matthew chapter 19. We continue our study in the Gospel of Matthew. And on page 979, we consider Jesus' teaching here on marriage and divorce. We'll be considering the first 12 verses this morning of Matthew chapter 19. Let's give our attention to the Lord's holy word.
"Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? He answered, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? And said, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. They said to him, why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and send her away? He said to them, because of the hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning, it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. And the disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry." But he said to them, "Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men. And there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this, receive it.
May the Lord bless this morning the hearing of His word.
I had a pastor say to me recently, he said, "Chris, well, I really want to preach Matthew, but I'm absolutely terrified to teach on divorce and remarriage." And I understand that sentiment. I can appreciate that sentiment. I trust you understand the challenge of this today. This is a challenging section in light of all of the cultural norms that are now present and in light of what many of you have been through. I understand that. Some of you here may have been divorced for various reasons, and today we're considering this great text. And I don't want you to be on edge. Let me say something up front: that in preaching, you are given what you could say as a macro principle the big principle but then there are all kinds of micro situations and applications that sometimes put people on edge. And this is what makes hearing difficult, because they're trying to understand how their particular circumstance fits into the macro principle. So people will come up and say, "Well, what about this? And what about this? And what about this?" It's not so easy. This is why preaching is tough business because of everyone's context and the different challenges that people face.
Well, my responsibility here is to give you the clear teaching on the matter, and it's not intended to give an answer to every single scenario that people face on this particular subject. The goal today is to consider what God has said very clearly about this issue, and that's what the aim is on this. This is the challenge here as we look at this great subject. My goal of the sermon today is to leave you with the very effect of the disciples. What was the effect of the disciples when they heard Jesus's teaching on divorce and remarriage? Well, maybe not this effect, which said, "It's better not to marry," right? I don't think that's a great answer. But the effect was: this is a very serious matter. This is a very serious matter with Jesus. And that means that if we're going to enter into marriage, we better consider what he thinks about it. We better consider what God has said about it. That's the effect I want today; that's the purpose of this today.
So my goal is to deliver that clear teaching, that we might understand the entire design at creation of marriage and appreciate how divorce is a ruinous proposition to what he put in place right at the beginning.
The strongest statement on this issue comes from the Lord himself in the book of Malachi when he says, "Thus says the Lord, I hate divorce." Now, how do we feel about that? It's a strong statement, isn't it? Strong statement.
The challenge to this, the important thing to understand in this is that Israel's long history of disregard, which is a shocking thing really, but the long history of Israel's disregard of the marriage institution and its purity had catastrophic consequences. And that divorce itself had become an accepted cultural norm in Israel. Not a lot different to today, is it? Not a lot different to today.
The scriptures had become buried under years of tradition that made divorce and remarriage acceptable, so that the practice became so common in Israel nobody thought anything was wrong with it. Nobody thought anything was wrong with it. Isn't that just something? that We have a clear statement from the Lord on this regard: that God hates divorce. And because the religious leaders had normalized the practice, no one took it seriously, and marriage had become disregarded as important.
Now, all of this is to say that this subject becomes something that Jesus had to address in the ministry. It's important that he had to address it. And you see how predominant an issue it was as it was on the hearts and minds of the Pharisees. And I will say that you can see then the sort of one-for-one correspondence to the same mentality that exists in our day on this particular issue that this practice has become so normalized the believer finds himself backed into a corner to know how best to even address it with people.
Anyone who seems to sort of hold to the standard of Jesus in this text, and this is just what the Pharisees did to him, is considered radical. It's considered a strict legalist, if you will. But that's the question: How do you deal with a society that normalizes what God hates? Think about that. How do you address an issue that has normalized what God hates?
The basic answer to this question today is very simple, right up front: God is the author of marriage. It is a institution, a creational institution, divine one, that he put in place. And essentially, Jesus says here we don't have the right to tamper with it. The consequences are catastrophic. And I think we can prove that. I don't I don't think that's a shocking proposition i think we can prove what the ruin of marriage has done to our society. You could come down to all the problems that we're dealing with really it so many of them can be boiled down to what has happened to the very institution of marriage as God gave it. So that's what we're considering this morning.
The passage really is broken into three sections here: First, the challenge by the Pharisees; then the correction that Jesus gives; and then the commitment that Jesus emphasizes. So those are the three points today: the challenge, the correction, and the commitment.
You'll notice in verse 1, we are given some detail here that Jesus has come back into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes have gathered again to him. This, of course, has infuriated the Pharisees. His popularity is great. We read that in the midst of this, the Pharisees have come up to him. clearly again to test him. Now, I want you to notice why the reference here to where he is is important. He is in Judea. He is in Herod's region again. And this is the very place and the very same issue that got John the Baptist's head put on a platter. Remember, Herod had divorced his wife and married his brother Philip's wife. And what had happened? Herod took out John for this. There is no doubt in my mind that the Pharisees know this, that they are trying to stir up controversy to repeat history. But I think there's more to this.
Divorce, as I said, had become so normalized at the teaching of the Pharisees. The very tactic of the Pharisees was to try to undermine his popularity in something that had become culturally normed by presenting him as somebody who is rigid and somebody who is a sectarian on this issue, which is something else. And notice here that Jesus is cast into a cultural situation where the tradition we've been looking at this in Matthew, the tradition of the elders had buried the word of God. And now the practice, hated by God, they had found a giant loophole, many loopholes, so that there was teaching throughout Israel that this was completely justified by God. Multitudes are here. Many of them have been divorced and remarried. You can understand the circumstance of this. You can understand how hard a circumstance this is to address.
Again, I say this with preaching: It's one of the most difficult things about preaching because of your context. And that's why I encourage you to listen to Jesus when he says, "Take heed how you hear." A lot of people will hear things the way they want to hear things and hear things only in their context, and then they refuse to listen clearly to God, and that creates all kinds of problems in the ministry.
But what we have here is the certificate of divorce had become common throughout Israel. How do you handle this? I mean, it's the same thing today. Marriage has become really zeroed in on the paper. The paper, the certificate, the document is what binds marriage. You see, that's just today. The document binds marriage. The papers.
We learn a lot, I think, how to address deviance from the design of marriage right here from Jesus. He immediately, in his test here by the Pharisees, he does what is very important: and he takes them back to the very creational design. And he answered them and said, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore? And here's the real power of what Jesus is saying, the real effect of it: What God has joined together, let not man separate.
Who joined marriage? Who created marriage? From the beginning of creation, says Jesus, God had a design that was put in place. He made male, and he made female.
Now, who would have ever envisioned that we would be in the kind of situation that we're in today? Run through the thought with me just for a minute. God created man and woman at creation. He had in view, when He created them, that there would be a beautiful, intimate union of the two becoming one. He even took Eve from the body of man to declare that His intention was to make them for each other, in the good design that he would join one man that he created and one woman to be created to become in union with a marriage design that was authorized and commissioned by him as the normal pattern of history. This has always been so that as they had children through this union, that they would leave, and the one man and the one woman would be joined together in marriage, becoming one flesh. It's a beautiful design. It's a wonderful design that God put in place for our benefit, for our good.
So Jesus's basic point here is is very clear: At creation, what you are not realizing is who the divine architect of this all is. What what a really important point in engaging people today. You don't create marriage. You don't design marriage. Someone put this in place all throughout history, and that someone is God himself. So the divine architect performed the first wedding ceremony to set this in stone. You think about that, right?
"Um, this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." He was ecstatic. He was overjoyed about his wife that God had brought to him. that god had chosen for him This is my favorite part of doing weddings, by the way. You know, I said this before, but these these guys are pretty loose and relaxed, and as I'm doing, you know, getting ready for the wedding and they're having a good time, but as soon as the bride walks in, you should see their face, right? You never see it because you turn around. I see it. And they're "Wow, the tears flow. And there they're just gazed upon their bride." It's a beautiful thing.
Man doesn't have the prerogative to break this apart. That's what Jesus is saying here. That's what he's saying. There's no easy out on this.
And then think that this sort of comes right on the heels of the teaching of forgiveness. I'll come back to that. But talk about another area that demonstrates sovereignty and the sovereign prerogative of God in this regard. God ordained this. God commissioned this. God put this together. And you can look at your spouse and say, "That's God's choice for you." That's not how we think, you know. "Am I in love with someone, and I fall in and out of love?"
You know, yes, we look at 1 Corinthians 13, love is a verb and love is action. But to think about this point: God chose that person for you, and you're not to break that. You see? That's the emphasis here. It was never yours to destroy. It was never yours from the beginning to dissolve. It was never you who designed it. You're not God. It was never intended for you to do this to this great institution.
And the consequences of divorce are catastrophic. And since that's what happened in the garden, really, a kind of divorce so that the great divorce was when this happened, there was alienation and separation between man and God himself, which is really, when you think about the parallel of Christ and the church, you understand here why God would hate divorce.
But now we live in a world that seeks to normalize the uniting of man and man and woman with woman, continuing the very defiance of the creational design that was put in place as a creational act by God himself.
So the question is, it lawful for man to divorce his wife?" And the Pharisees add, very important, "for any reason?" Well, that's just what they were doing. The answer generally is no. What does creation tell you? What it got established from the beginning. And you know the answer to that if you'll consider it. The problem is simply: you've decided not to accept that. You've decided not to accept that.
So what did this separation bring us? What did this departure from God's design at creation bring us? It brought us the whole fall. Every misery that we know today has resulted from a breakdown of what was put in place right at creation and the very commands given at creation. And the consequences of this just continue to be played out, and we see the sad effects in society as we attempt to pick up all the broken pieces with children who are rarely considered in this, often very selfish decision, all the sadness, destruction of the family and the statistics seem to get worse and worse because we've broken the design it's the basic answer to this.
Now, again, keep in mind what I said at the very beginning. After hearing this, immediately they respond, "Well, why then, Jesus, did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and to put her away?" Now, Christ had already addressed this somewhat. Remember, in the sermon on the out he said this: "It's been said, anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce but I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
Notice this: they said Moses permitted it. was very clear in Old Testament law that Moses gave out certificates. He gave out the papers to dismiss her. Now, notice they didn't go to the reason for this. Jesus is very clear: "Due to the hardness of hearts" is why.
They are on their mind, and much of the teaching in the New Testament on this is really going back to Deuteronomy chapter 24 so that you have some kind of understanding of the context of this in Israel. And in Deuteronomy chapter 24, here's what we read: "When a man has taken a wife and married her, and it comes to pass that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, then let him write her a bill of divorcement and give it to give it in her hand and send her out of his house."
The law says that if the husband found no favor in her or something that was unclean, the certificate of divorce could be given. That was a civil law. That was not a moral law. But here's why it was said: It was a law permitted because men were often cruel to their wives. If a man, really, for some unjust reason, decided that he didn't this is what began to happen that he began to not love his wife and he found some fault in her, apart even from that original intention in Deuteronomy 24, the civil law did allow for a certificate of divorce to be given, because, and this is the real import of Deuteronomy 24, because what an awful, tormented life the woman would have to live with a husband who despised her or was cruel to her. That was the intention that often led even to murder. There was so much abuse throughout Israel on this matter that they ended up treating their wives terribly.
So what happened? was Divorce became common. And they said, "As long as whenever this happens, we can give a proper certificate of divorce, a man can give a certificate of divorce to his wife for any reason, they can separate." You know, it became so bad in Israel. This is where you see the abuse of the whole thing, even from Deuteronomy 24. It became so bad in Israel that many women stopped and refused to marry anymore. The Pharisees were divorcing their wives for things, and this is right on, for things like spoiling dinner. They were harsh. So hard that had Moses not done something like this, the reality was marriage would have been totally done away with because, as the men moved on to other women without any documentation, these women were left stranded, and they had no defense. So that she was no longer married: "I got the certificate today. I'm good." As if it was okay before God as long as we had the paper.
You think this is any different with the mentality today? "We got the papers. We got the papers." And that meant that people were free again to marry whoever they desire without any worry about adultery in the matter. And that it was absolutely fine for another man to go on and marry again and marry his former wife with all this unjust cause.
So one of the reasons of this was to protect the women of Israel from being abused. The point here is that the binding nature of marriage came down to the paper.
Jesus says, "Moses did that because of the hardness of your hearts." And the really important point here that can't be missed is: Moses also said this. is important. You've missed what Moses also said. What doesn't really come up in this discussion, but a careful reading of these Old Testament passages, this was clear: If you divorce, you better think about it, because you don't get her back. The home is over. The bond is broken. You're not sharing a roof together. I mean, how many stories have we heard of a man wrecking his marriage and running off, later, and then severely regretting what he did? And, you know, on his life his advice we told people, told him, "Don't do that, don't do that, don't do that." In the old covenant, you lost her altogether. You couldn't have her. And the effect of that was: this is no game. You need to take this really seriously. See how important this is for today?
It was about what God had put in place from the beginning for our well-being, so that society would function well, that love would be promoted. And so Jesus hits hard: "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." God joined them, not the paper. They have no prerogative to divorce.
And I believe at this point they did what we all tend to do, so I tried to hand out at the beginning of the message well what about this? And what about this? And what about this?" and so on and so on and so on without this fundamental question being asked: "Did you listen to what Jesus just said about marriage? Did you listen to what Jesus just said about marriage? Was there ever any provision for divorce and remarriage from Christ?"
He gives a glaring exception here, doesn't he? Jesus goes on: "I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery. And whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
Notice that exception clause: "except for sexual immorality." Now, in general, that word means unchastity, prostitution, fornication various kinds of sexual acts that break the bond of marriage. If you ever want to really feel the weight of this, think of what Jesus said earlier, which somewhat challenges us a lot. Think about this: "Whoever looks in lust at another woman has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
See, you see the real weight of all this with Jesus. The literal act of adultery, the physical act of adultery, is probably in mind here when he is speaking of this being the great thing that breaks the bond of marriage. And Jesus gives an exception clause here, allowing for divorce in this scenario.
Now, Paul will come along in 1 Corinthians 7 and speak of abandonment. And again, there are other scenarios that require wisdom. But it should be stated here it's so important that if the bond is broken with the act of adultery, there's a clear exception given here. It shatters the bond. It shatters the bond. It's clearly speaking of somebody who is continuing in perpetual unrepentance, sexual or immorality, in the marriage relationship. Do you understand the challenge of this? We just went through, previous to this, a teaching on forgiveness, didn't we? That's a challenge on this issue. There are certain situations that are going to be very complex, and it requires wisdom, and parties who are offended in this way may forgive. But Jesus is clearly teaching here: the bond is broken in this. The bond is broken.
So notice the exception clause for a minute. It extends to the second part. You'll notice it should also be noted that that exception extends to the second part of Matthew 19 9 So here's here's how it reads: "And I say to you, whoever party a divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. And whoever marries her party b who is divorced, commits adultery."
So if party A divorces his wife, "except" you notice this, "except for sexual immorality," then he does not commit adultery and remarrying another. The exception clause, I think, rightly taken, extends to party b2 "Whoever marries party B who is divorced, except for sexual immorality, commits adultery."
What's the real effect of this? It's that marriage is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, and that divorce is breaking up the union which God gave. When one goes out and marries another for just any reason, they commit adultery.
And divorces and immediately we all want to say, "Well, is it all forgivable?" And I I want to respond at that point, when I hear that: Is that the intention and the effect Jesus wants us to have? For us to find a way out? He wants us all to realize that marriage is intended by God to be for life. He wants that to set in. He wants he wants that to be felt. I would suggest that the church's lack of strong stance on this basic point is a very good reason why society is where it is today. We justified all kinds of things and have justified all kinds of things on this regard.
The disciples at least understood it that way. For when they heard Jesus say this, they said, "Well, if such is the case, this is how predominant divorce and remarriage was in society, this is in their heads. If such is the case, it'd be better not to marry," which is a wrong attitude toward marriage.
And that's why Jesus goes into, I think, the eunuch teaching, which I'm not going to spend a lot of time on at the moment. When they heard Jesus say that God made this to be for life, what you understand is: what Jesus wants us to understand is, you are making a promise when you enter into that vow. And you say, "For better or for worse, to honor what he put together for your good."
Now, again, think of my intro qualification. I understand there's challenges. But I want to say this to every couple marrying today or considering marriage. I say this every time I do premarital counseling: "You realize divorce isn't an option?" "Yeah, we understand that."
So my encouragement to young people marrying is, and I can't say this strongly enough, and I want to do it in the utmost love that I can with you consider wisely. Consider very wisely who you are going to commit your life and make these vows with. Consider marriage very carefully. Too many don't listen on this front. And they get a guy or a gal not very committed to the Lord, not very committed to Him at all, and they'll justify it. And then later they realize, "This isn't what I signed up for." You know how many times I've seen this in the ministry?
What's going to be my pastoral, loving plea to our young people? Marry well. This will affect you the rest of your life. Marry well. Don't fall into the whole trap of rushing this and thinking "This is the guy of my dreams" or "This is the girl of my dreams" and compromise your principles on this. It matters.
Well, in perfect sacrificial love, in the gospel, Jesus came to lay down his life for his bride. To redeem her. To make her beautiful. The scriptures clearly draw a parallel between Christ's love for his church and, as Christians, the love we are to have for our spouses. And if we see with redeemed eyes the greater story that marriage tells, it's designed to showcase the love of Christ for his body, the church. So that all the more, as Christians, we understand the witness of our marriage.
I know marriage is hard. I know marriage is sacrificial. I know that some of you may struggle in your marriages. I know that times it may feel like no love is there. But remember, that love is something that is in sacrificial way Christ has given to us and has been patient and forbearing. And He blesses that love and can change and grow that love and strengthen your marriage. Never think that he can't do that. He can do that. He can do that.
He has an unbreakable love for his bride, the church. It matters to him. "Greater love has no one than this, than that a man lay down his life for his friends." The reason he's serious about marriage is because it also reflects not just the creational design but it also reflects the commitment he has for you. You see how this all parallels with forgiveness? "I forgive because I've been forgiven. It's unthinkable that I wouldn't go out and forgive if I've been forgiven, because that's who I am now."
And now that means that my very marriage has the same kind of connection: that it showcases the very unbreakable love of Christ for me and the church. And therefore, I'm patterning that. And this is Ephesians 5.
I recently did an article for Table Talk on sexual purity and marriage, and I want to read the ending of that: "Look at the spouse to whom God has joined you with in this life. What do you see? What do you see? A gift from God to you. Your spouse is loved by God, watched over by him, and he desires that you love one another and never share that love and intimacy with someone else. Isn't that good? Isn't that right? What beautiful righteousness is evident from God in this design. Can we, through sexual sin, so easily hurt our spouse who is a gift from God to us and who was chosen by God for us? Who is God's gift to us to cherish and to love?"
This is an important question that incentivizes the cultivation of sexual purity in marriage. The Lord has given you a special gift, a specific provision that through marriage the mystery of Christ's love for His church may be known.
"Drink water from your own cisterns. Let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers."
Now, I'm nervous about this sermon. Very nervous about this sermon. I know there's some of you who want to be married and the Lord hasn't provided that yet. I'm very compassionate to you. We need to pray for you more and ask that you would be patient and that if it is your desire to marry, the Lord will provide that for you. He chooses your spouse. I can't answer why the weight, but we have to trust him. There are a variety of circumstances here, again, that you may struggle with. I'm not asking you to wrestle through all those right now. All I'm asking is: consider the design. Take seriously the design as Christ gave it. And apply that in your own marriages, especially those seeking for marriage. And understand that this is for your good.
Can you imagine teachings from Jesus that weren't like this? What an awful world we'd live in of a God who didn't care about this. He is good. His creation is good. "What God has joined together, let not man separate. Love one another as Christ has loved you. And may your marriages be blessed by him." We need Him to help us with that.
So let's pray.
Heavenly Father, we thank You for giving us instruction on this matter. And we recognize, Lord, that living in a society that has normalized these things, that we don't take them as seriously as we should. But that there indeed, as there is in forgiveness, a great witness a witness of the very gospel we confess that we will forgive one another, so thereto is a great witness in marriage. We need your help, O Lord. Forgive all of our sins in this regard. Be merciful to us, and let us hold high the standard as you gave it for your praise and glory. And when, O Lord, we are struggling, may we come to you in prayer for strengthening help. May you bless our marriages in love and in peace. And we pray, O Lord, that they would truly reflect the very mystery that they are designed to reflect Christ's love for the church, that he died for. Thank you for giving us this institution. Thank you for giving us spouses. Bless us on our way, and encourage your flock in this place. In Jesus' Name we pray. Amen.