So, I'm actually going to be having us turn to two different places tonight. The first will be from the book of 1 Samuel. 1 Samuel, we've looked at this passage recently, but I want to consider it just again in a little bit different of a light with Eli and his sons, and then I want to turn over to ephesians 5 and read the fifth commandment as it's summarized there actually ephesians 6 excuse me so i'm just reading a few verses tonight out of first samuel chapter 2 beginning at verse 22 i'm not reading the whole account we'll go through some of this but i'd like to hear the relationship of eli and his sons again this is at verse 22 through 25 now eli was very old and kept hearing all that his sons were doing to all Israel, how they lay with the women who were serving at the entrance of the tent of meeting. And he said to them, why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings with all these people. No, my sons, it is no good report that I hear the people of the Lord spreading abroad. If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him. But if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him? But they would not listen to the voice of their Father who has the will of the Lord to put them to death. Now we're going to turn over to Ephesians 6 at the first four verses. Treating the fifth commandment tonight, Paul cites it here and gives further comments on this and I believe it's very helpful. Ephesians 6, beginning at verse 1, where we hear, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger or bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And of course, Lord's Day 39 of the Heidelberg asks the question, what is God's will for us in the fifth commandment? And it is that I honor, love, and be loyal to my father and mother and all those in authority over me, that I obey and submit to them as is proper when they correct and punish me, and also that I be patient with their failings, for through them God chooses to rule us. Well, there have been many books on parenting and many books that try to present to us all the challenges and problems that we face today raising children in our days, the particular challenges that we have. One particular author states in his well-known book that by the ages of 10 to 12, scores of children have already left the home, not in the sense of walking out the door, but in the sense of leaving mom and dad as an authority figure in their lives. He says to today's parents, and this book's a little dated now, I'm realizing. We're part of the 60s generation. We're not quite there. But whose protest movement has challenged the way we think about authority and rights of the individual. But this certainly has carried over that problem. As a result, children no longer sit in neat rows at school. They no longer ask for permission to speak. They no longer fear the consequences of talking back to their parents. They do not accept a submissive role in life. Amen. I mean, that is absolutely true. The millennials have proved that. And how does that then bear on parenting? Well, this author says the old ways of parenting no longer work. Old authoritarian ways are ineffective, but we don't have any new ways to do the job. It brings up some really important points tonight and challenges as we open up the fifth commandment. And obviously the problem is much more vast in that brief introduction. But before we looked into this, I went back and I looked at when I was a very young pastor. Before I, I think we had just had our first, and I had preached the fifth commandment. And I was probably much harder at that time, realizing how hard, not realizing how hard and difficult child rearing and training up children would be. So I now approach this a little more cautioned, I believe. While none of the responsibilities are lessened, I don't want to leave parents and children without hope. I also know how difficult this is today and just like any other message, of course, as we've been looking at with the law of God, anytime we're confronted with our own failures and our sins, the Lord is desiring to bring us to Him for not only repentance and help as we repent and turn from sins, but also that we would learn to trust Him with our children and put our trust in Him that He is the God of our children that we just sung out in that in that song but i know how hard it is i understand that it's increasingly difficult living in the times that we do but we need to be challenged a moment tonight thinking again about god's design and look to him to fulfill our obligation as parents and as children which is the real intent here you'll notice children boys and girls tonight young people, teenagers, that is the real serious obligation that the Lord gives to us. Tonight we begin the sort of second half of our consideration of the Ten Commandments, the second table. So far we have considered the first four, which deal with our relationship to God. And now tonight we're looking at the remainder of these commandments that deal with our love for our neighbor how what god expects from us in our relationships with one another that that is the now focus of the rest of these commandments and it's no mistake that he begins in the fifth commandment with honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land that the lord your god is giving you we've heard that so much in the course of our lives interesting the Lord begins a second table with that command a command that deals with with children and parents and honoring you'll notice even the Heidelberg captures this authority structures in our lives the things that we rebel against the most boys and girls this this command is is very important for you tonight God has given you parents God has blessed you with parents God cares a lot about your parents and about you and he desires as his way of ruling you and showing his ways and teaching his ways to you that you honor them that you submit to them i still to this day remember every time i was disciplined by my mother out came ephesians 6 this thing is just still right in my head every time and it always came right after the good paddling children obey your parents in In the Lord, for this is right, honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. Every single time I heard that. I don't believe tonight, as we're looking at this particular commandment, that it's aimed at children solely as if the burden for obedience lies squarely upon their shoulders. I don't think that would be a right way at all to read this particular commandment. How children are nurtured, how children are trained, how children are cared for really will result and really puts on display and matters a lot about how parents really give themselves to train them in the ways of the Lord. You'll notice that as the heart of Ephesians 6 there, when he says fathers you should train them in the discipline and the admonition of the lord what a great responsibility that's that's really leveled upon us in other words the obedience of the child is bound up with the expectation of the parent a really important point the obedience of the child is bound up with the expectation of the parent if the commandment says honor your father and your mother, the children have to have something to honor, don't they? Something they should honor. Something they should want to honor. Parents didn't think they're going to get beat up tonight, but they're going to get beat up for a minute, and then we'll get to the children. We live in a day where parents thrive on being their children's friends. Treating a child as a friend, the child responds appropriately. you have parents who today have removed boundaries so the children live without boundaries you have parents who neglect the duty to train up and nurture children in the lord's ways demanding accountability the children show it we see this no clearer than in the account with eli and his sons that's why i at least wanted to reference it for a moment and spend a few moments on with it again as you approach that particular text you'll notice there how out of control you get a sense that particular text is and that situation in Israel how did it get so bad that Eli's sons could do that much wickedness and get away with it in Israel they were corrupt the account began saying they didn't even know the Lord this was the the priest's sons and and in the priestly office they didn't even know him so from a parental perspective when you look at it this way this is one tragic event that's been presented to us in Israel's history the text doesn't present it fatalistically as if the Lord was just waiting to take them out the text wants to show us that the lord had been so long suffering and patient in the design that he put in place he had to finally intervene to put a stop to what was ultimately ruining israel that's the perspective of this particular passage that the lord had to intervene finally himself and exercise discipline because nobody had so the text goes on to outline the sins there of hophni and phinehas that they were were stealing from the offerings of the people. And the whole thing was summarized when it said, therefore the sin of the young men was very great before the Lord, for men didn't even want to worship or offer anymore to the Lord. They were stealing. And there was immorality going on, sexual immorality, and Dad knew about it. That was the point. The whole thing was shocking and presents to us a situation so far gone but the text doesn't hesitate to focus on the messiness and the breakdown of what happened in light of the fifth commandment what we find is that the lord centers the discussion on eli's relationship with his own sons and he said to them eli says why do you do these things for i hear of your evil doings from all the people know my sons for it's not a good report that I hear you make the Lord's people transgress if one man sins against another the God will judge him but if a man sins against the Lord who will intercede for him nevertheless they did not listen to the voice of their father he is capturing there the fifth commandment saying they utterly had disregarded the fifth commandment now as we said this would have little meaning if it were only focused on tonight the children. The commandment itself presupposes some very important things that the parents have the responsibility to train them, to train them in what the Lord wants and what He desires. I saw firsthand growing up, I had a friend when I was in junior high school, and I saw firsthand what it meant fathers don't provoke your children to anger for but one night it was two in the morning i heard uh this friend of mine was beating on our door and he had come and was absolutely terrified his father had so provoked him for so many years to wrath this son snapped on his father and had assaulted him the father never has recovered to this day and i remember that as a child it was so imprinted on my mind for all those years my friend went to jail my friend went to jail for this i just remember and i remember my parents explaining to me why we can never provoke children to wrath this is the consequence one of the worst consequences this reciprocal relationship was important for understanding then what it means for children to honor their parents This commandment is broken when parents don't train them. When parents don't nurture them. When parents don't love them. What was the issue with Hophni and Phineas? Well, the text presents to us that Eli had terribly neglected his responsibility to discipline his sons. Eli's an old man at this point. And in fact, the text says that what comes across here is that Eli had been neglecting this for years. Eli knew what his sons were doing. And you'll notice this, that did this rebellious behavior enter at the beginning of the priesthood? This had been going on so long that what we notice with Eli is that when he had come push to shove, he had finally addressed the sins, but unwilling was he to do anything about it. Why do you do these things? For I hear of all your evil doings from the people. And you think, you're the priest, man. Step up. Stop this. And the next thing we're anticipating from Eli is what is he going to do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing to restrain his sons. Should have pulled them right out of their positions. and god raised that god sent a messenger to eli and that messenger sent said to him you are honoring your children more than the lord if the fifth commandment says honor your father and your mother it says to parents don't honor your children more than the lord Don't honor your children more than the Lord. He was a totally passive father. Completely out of touch with his sons. I hear from the people, says Eli. The main point is, Eli spoke against it, had the power to stop patterns, and didn't. And didn't. He feared his children more than the Lord. Well, isn't that just the problem today? Isn't that the prevailing problem today? Children are worshipped by parents. People have noticed the trend in the times that we live. All of life for parents seems to revolve today around their children. All of life revolves around the children, almost treating them as little gods. No wonder, no wonder our children are all stressed out. And of course, with that kind of exaltation, the notion that their child could ever do anything wrong is absolutely foreign from most parents today. My child could never do that. My child would never do that. Such a different time. My grandmother talked about her immigrant father. He was a Russian-German. It had come from Russia as a German. There was a whole colony of Russian-Germans that made their way over here. And he was a Russian-German. Let me tell you, a hard man. Never smiled. A disciplinarian. Never once, said my grandmother, did he say, I love you, to my grandmother. I've thought about that a lot over the years that she would share that with me. I thought how radically different the times are now. Maybe we've so reacted against the authoritarian from the old country that we've removed all reigns. Think about that. And we're begging now for our kids' approval and wondering why they don't respond. Begging for it. I was stunned at the Fine Arts Festival the other night. Absolutely stunned. And I'm guilty of what I'm about to say. I was watching as every little kid was there singing and doing their talent. And I looked over at all the parents and every single parent had their phone up. Every single one filming every little move by their kid. And I thought to myself, you're never going to watch that. Every single one. It's not our life movie anymore. It's our kid's life movie that we're obsessed with. And we're turning now and living our life through our children or our grandchildren. I knew a lady who had so much past of legalism. She swung the pendulum so far over, she never said no to her children. Her beautiful daughters were out until two or three in the morning. Boundaries were gone. Even when I was a kid, I still remember P.E. was something. Isn't this strange I have to talk about this? I had an old leftover Vietnam vet who taught PE. And that guy made us walk in rows. That guy would get nose to nose in your face. I'm not saying that was a good thing. But I'm saying there was such a demand for respect from that man. And everyone respected him. Everyone wanted to listen to him. All that's gone today. Just gone. And we have a generation of sloppy young people in front of us. Now I know someone would get mad saying that, I'm just as sloppy, okay? Just as sloppy. But my point is, is discipline lacks today. Discipline is so far off the radar today. We're afraid it doesn't work anymore. In many respects, we think the Christian school does the job. I was a Christian school teacher, I know. I know what was the expectation. I'm saying tonight it's so much more. What good is the Christian school without the home? So I prayed for it tonight. The Bible has a lot to say to parents. The primary place all this takes place is the home. one of the things we've lost today is an understanding of the covenantal responsibility to train them and nurture them in the home. We used to think that the earth was the center of the universe and we were wrong, so now we think the children are the center of our universe and we need to get back to the Lord being the center. Where He told after He gave the law, the first thing that was on our Lord's mind, the first thing He wanted communicated after the giving of the law was this, and these words that I command you today shall be in your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your children. Talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up. This is what I'm telling you you need to do for your children. This is the most important thing you can do for your children. Talk about me. Tell them my ways. That's why it's just never worked for me when I hear, well, we just don't talk about our faith. I've heard that so much in the course of my ministry. It was the one thing that Pharaoh asked said of Moses when he was laying the last claim he could lay, and Moses was saying, you let us go. The one stipulation he said, you can all go, but not your children. Remember that? Parents always had to be diligent in training them. Teach them when you sit in your house. There's a reason that the elders care a lot about family devotions. There's a reason the elders want you around the table together. I know sports are pulling you everywhere. I lived it. My house was a sports house. My dad was a coach. My dad was a coach. It's all we did. We lived and breathed basketball. But the Lord is saying, put me first. I was very affected by the book by J.A. Alexander years ago called Family Worship. And he said something that's convicted me as a young father. I no longer marvel that Christianity becomes a dying, empty thing in the houses of those professors where there's no joint worship of god in the home family prayer invited and bespeaks the blessing of god on all concerned but chiefly on him who leads it better a roofless than a prayerless house well that got me better a roofless than a prayerless house and then he goes on to speak of the importance and the influence that that prayer of a father leading his children in prayer how that how that really does affect the mind of the child My son, Proverbs 1, hear the instruction of your father and do not forsake the law of your mother, for they will be a gracious ornament on your head. What a great statement. What a great statement. Hear it, which means parents give it. When a child is rightly taught and then disobeys, God calls parents to discipline. We've got to recover godly discipline. It scared me a lot to think about what the Proverbs said. He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Why? Because you're stopping a pattern that a child is running in. You are the means of God's use to stop your child from sinning. Timeouts don't cut it. They just don't. it's the reason god said he spares the rod be prompt in it in short discipline as one pastor said is life-saving the child may fight for a while and despise the correction but at the end of the day says the lord it saves him saves him in light of that you see how serious god's role and responsibility is upon parents in light of this command do not withhold correction from a child proverbs 23 for if you beat him with the rod he's not going to die you shall beat him with the rod and deliver his soul from hell that's a good goal it's god's way of restraining now god says that you do that you love them and it should be done in love it always should be done in love alexander also goes on to comment the kind of spirit a father and mother should have in their home and it should be not an angry spirit but a spirit of real concern and interest and love for their children imagine he says the child who contemplates going in a wrong direction and rebelling before that child is a father constantly who leads the family in prayer and is on his knees and the child sees that alexander says the example of family worship and printed already upon his heart and prayers that have been constantly offered to god on the child's behalf are like arrows into the heart of the youth the child alexander says is forced to say how could i offend against a father who loves me and wrestles with god like that on my behalf how could i do that charles bridges once said when god gives a commandment like this he will give a sincere servant the grace to obey it thus a parent ought to cultivate cultivate the exercise of parental faith expecting the fulfillment of the parental promise as confidently as any other free promise of the gospel what a great statement now parents got theirs i wrote that to me knowing how great the responsibility is but this commandment is directed to our children children it's directed to you tonight isn't it there's something very important here to think about for a moment god commands you tonight no matter what age you are to love your parents to respect your parents to think highly of your parents you know what the sons of eli did there's one little verse that you could think about tonight it says they did not listen to the voice of their father they did not listen they made a choice not to listen you know why god has given you parents children because he loves you and because he wants to see you trained and because he wants to see you to grow up think of all the blessings that you've had to grow up and to know the lord and to be taught him that means that he's calling you tonight to to respect them to honor them uh they know best for you even though you don't always agree i know that my children don't always agree but even when you're frustrated or angry with your parents or even when you disagree with your parents the lord wants you to listen and talk to him about that in fact god gives you a real encouragement tonight i've often thought about this encouragement how do you preach this encouragement because the Apostle Paul put this encouragement in the new covenant in the in the days in which we live he gives a promise to you he gives you a promise think about this tonight when you honor your parents you will live long on the earth does that make you nervous if I when I say that what does that mean he then adds and he says of course, it's going to go well with you. What does that mean, it's going to go well with you? Just that. It's an encouragement, and it's the truth of the matter, and everyone in this room knows it tonight. I had friends who lived rejecting what their parents told them, greatly disrespected them. They did what they wanted to do. They lived a life in secret, and I can tell you many of those today are leading very hard lives and they've made many bad decisions that have wrecked their lives there's a consequence disobedience to godly parents promotes an undisciplined life and when you choose to live that way i want you all to know it's not going to go well for you you're not going to have peace in this life it's going to be a hard life and notice what he says though the positive is the lord wants you to encourage you with this promise he says there in ephesians 6 children obey your parents in the lord for this is right this is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you that's how much it means to him that the lord is going to strengthen you and in this life you are going to know that blessing that's not overstating what he's saying here it's the plain reading of this and the lord is setting before you a path that's right and wants to help you in that and this is the way you can you can go forward in the future in a way that pleases him and honors him but in closing i want to say tonight i go through the same feelings of guilt and struggle as a parent i look at my little ones thinking of how much i've already failed i look back and think of all the ways as a child that I dishonored my own parents. And the Lord wants you to know tonight that He is a heavenly Father who gave His Son for you, who was perfectly obedient and cared about you so that you might be brought in and adopted into His family to receive all the ultimate rights as true sons. That kind of treatment that is constantly He's telling us about in the gospel of his love that kind of treatment of what the lord has done for us and describes for us all over the the scriptures of his work for us he wants you to know you are an adopted son of grace and that he is is a god who like this morning we should cast our cares upon him for he cares for us and that should drive us to make our earthly relationships as parents and his children reflect the family that we ultimately belong to that's what you need to remember you belong to him you're in the family of god therefore we should honor this commandment as a way of saying thank you lord i'm going to really labor with these little lives that you've given to train them up in the fear and discipline of the lord and children i hope you go home and say you know mom and dad. Tell them for bed. Thank you for being my parents. Thank you for training. Thank you for loving. Thank you for feeding me every night. Thank you for working so hard in the day to provide for me clothing and help and encouragement all my life. Thank them for what they've done and realize that in all that this is the Lord's good way of showing that he cares for you and that he loves you i hope that encourages us tonight to remember and have some kind of intention in honoring what the design of this fifth commandment is for our lives let's pray to him together tonight heavenly father thank you for instructing us in the fifth commandment and i in such a short time it's hard to deal with how much is really here but may your people be encouraged tonight and may it all motivate us to love our children to train them no matter how old they are to talk to them to care about them that door's never closed it shouldn't be and also that we as children no matter what age we are would respect our parents and love them and honor them as you desire knowing that even with all the faults that go on, we should bear patiently for You desire to rule us through them. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.