Tonight, we turn in the Bible to 1 Corinthians 7. 1 Corinthians 7 tonight, a few opening remarks here I have to make. First is, we're just going to consider tonight the first nine verses. Next time, I'm going to come back and deal with a sermon on divorce and remarriage. I've never given, at least here and even up north, I've never really gone through this section. So this is going to be good for me. I just didn't want to jump into that tonight because I realize it's a big subject. There are always a million questions when it comes to that subject. So next time, we'll look at the section on divorce. Tonight, we look at a very challenging section, a section on something that is probably uncomfortable for us to some degree and I find it interesting how the two series have been put together and I'm always nervous about this because this is not the stuff that I ultimately love to preach about but I understand that it's so necessary for you I don't want to be the pastor that's known as always talking about sex I don't want to do that but yet God has a lot to say about this and we can't cherry pick the bible we can't be victorians either in other words we can't impose a victorian mindset and how we look at these things upon god and his word because god's very open and plain about these things and god told me when i went into ministry you preach the whole counsel of god so i don't have an option and i want you to receive it from him this is his word tonight and he knows what's best for you and your children it's good for children it's good for the family it's good for them to hear this and i hope you understand why tonight let's give our attention tonight to the word of the lord first corinthians chapter 7 the first nine verses now concerning the matters about which you wrote it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman but because of the temptation to sexual immorality each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband for the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does do not deprive one another except perhaps for by agreement for a limited time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer but then come together again so that satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control now as a concession not a command i say this i wish that all were as i myself am but each one has his own his own gift from god one of one kind and one of another to the unmarried and the widows i say that it's good for them to remain single as i am but if they cannot exercise i self-control they should marry for it's better to marry than to burn with passion there ends the reading of god's word in my years of doing premarital counseling i have gone through wayne mac's book on preparing for marriage god's way and i have had the privilege of doing a lot of weddings, officiating at a lot of weddings in my years. And in that book, Mack has an entire section at the very end on sex as God intended. And in that chapter, he asks some very pointed questions. Some of the questions are like this. What was your parents' view of sex? Did they talk to you about it? Officiating a lot of weddings and asking those questions and going through that book with couples, you would not believe how many times, in fact, I'd rate it in the 90s in percentage, that I came across of those entering into marriage that their parents never talked to them about these things. Never. And then they never demonstrated any kind of affection, whether it be a hug or a kiss. It just was non-existent in the marriage. And they saw little of these things between mom and dad. There was this Victorian weird piety among us. And I thought to myself, have we ever thought about the consequences of that? Have we ever thought about the consequences of that? It's a strange phenomenon that we could watch things on TV, we can see it everywhere, we can have the world present its views on this and sex and morality to us and our children and, you know, from the pulpit to the people, silence. Silence. It's hypocritical. It's hypocritical. And what has been the consequence? The consequences are somewhat more severe than you realize. That's why I say children need this. To keep them away paves the way for major problems down the road. Major. If we're acting afraid of this, and not just that, if we close our mouths or close our ears in super pious ways, you know what this does? It produces in our children a sense that this is the one area of life that is wrong and dirty. That is evil. That is embarrassing. and that we don't talk about as Christians. Here's the problem. You've got young people with a lot of hormones flying around. And like it or not, uncomfortable as it may be, we are sexual creatures. And if we don't talk to them about these things, if we never provide a corrective, if our children grow up not knowing how to interpret the lusts and the problems that they're dealing with on the inside because of the silence of parents, they're wondering what's wrong with them. And they have no ability and no understanding except what the world presents to them to fix it. What are they to do with these things? And how has God answered these things? What provision did God make to fulfill what is obviously a natural drive for people, a natural drive in us as human beings? What are we to teach them? Well, that's what Paul sees as a great benefit to everyone tonight in teaching about marriage so i say up front our silence is harmful to our children why you learned in romans the law arouses sin in other words what happens in christian circles when somebody constantly says to their children that's wrong that's wrong that's wrong that's wrong or they see from their parents we don't talk about that we don't talk about that well use alcohol alcohol sinful alcohol sinful alcohol sinful statistic shows in those homes in those children the greatest problem of alcoholism exists huh the same is true in dealing with this issue very much so and god when god's answers are not given when god's answers are not provided, and we present this and discuss and remain silent, our children's minds have no corrective. They've got to be trained. We've got to give them what their, of course, they can handle and what their abilities are, but we don't want them feeling guilty about what they are struggling with. Talk to them. They're natural desires, and God has a remedy. Well, in our ever-pious approach to sexuality, we aren't so much different than first century Corinth, which has been a fascinating thing to study. Over and over, we see all these things coming out. Strangely enough, another problem developed in Corinth. Another problem with regard to the issue of sex, and it was this. That needs to be avoided then altogether, even in the marriage relationship. It was viewed as dirty and defiling. They were early Victorians. And what Paul does at this point is answer some questions that they wrote to him about this. They had questions and you'll notice that in verse 1, that verse 1 begins that he says, now concerning the things of which you wrote to me. So Paul is answering questions tonight. That's what chapter 7 is and we have to remember that. He's answering questions to provide a help to them in these struggles to correct their view of marriage and a correct view of the sexual relationship that's his goal in chapter 7 he wants to help them help them and give them a preventative to stop particular sins that are going on but these are specific questions and some people look at first corinthians as a comprehensive treatment on marriage relationship and that's why they run into problems we'll definitely see that with divorce and remarriage here what we have here this is not what it is he's being very specific he's dealing with specific divorce issues as we look at this you know even tonight about these particular subjects that he's dealing with you may have a lot of questions you may have questions and this just inevitably comes well what about this scenario and what about that scenario and that takes wisdom that takes elders sometimes sometimes it's not always so neatly packaged and fits into the categories that we want to make it all fit that's why God gives us elders that's why we have elders that discern facts and help people well tonight that is Paul's goal here is to help them with their questions and we can learn a lot through this about God's design for marriage we can learn about a lot through it what he put in place how we are to think about this very important issue that we all have faced we're all here because of it by the way and tonight that's what we're doing we're considering the blessing of this in marriage the sexual act we're considering his directions for those who are married and those who are that we might honor the goal and design that he has put in place that god originally intended from the beginning so in verse one again uh it says now concerning the matters about which you wrote they had sent some kind of communication to him and you see that in what follows they asked him about sexual relations with a woman you see it there as a matter of fact it says right up in verse one there it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman that's what they were asking about paul is that okay is it good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman paul says now concerning that concerning that issue that you wrote to me about so it was going around in corinth that it was preferable that men and women not do this and you say what gives in the last section He just had an entire treatment, extensive treatment, about the problem of sexual immorality in Corinth. And you say, what in the world? Now he's dealing with the question of celibacy? I mean, that's one extreme to the other here. What is this? I have to say, before I move on to this and answer that, 1 Corinthians 6, the end there, was so edifying in studying and preaching. I loved his answer that the way to combat sexual immorality is to understand that your body, your body as a Christian, which is good, which God made, has been joined to Christ. It is now Christ's body. It belongs to him. He purchased it. He made it. And we need to view our bodies that way. you would never want to take that body and do anything to that body that would join something perverse to Him. It means what you put on your body, what you do to your body, how you treat your body. Every thought now goes to, it's joined to Christ. It's Christ's body. It belongs to Him. He purchased it. Beautiful. Well, we all know that sexual morality was a huge problem in Corinth. why is Paul now answering what seems to be the opposite? Celibacy. That some in Corinth were proposing that celibacy was the answer. Well, we know this problem somewhat. Think of the situation. We all know sexual morality is running out of control in our society. What's our response? Our response is, we don't talk anything about that. We don't talk anything about that. We shut up about that. And what we see throughout history and what we see in people is, and I've seen this in my ministry, you just want balanced people who aren't flopping from extreme to extreme to extreme to extreme all the time. They're all over the map. And you'll notice, I mean, just stability in the Christian life is a lot today. Just to be stable where you are and what you believe and not running here and there. I just can't say that enough. I've been amazed in my short time as a pastor how much instability I've seen in people and that I fight against. Well, something happened in Corinth, something similar. Remember last time there were those who were saying that what really matters is your spirit and that you're really imprisoned in this lower body. It's a prison house for what really matters, which is your soul. And that led to the idea that it doesn't really matter what you do in your body. Those were the libertines. Indulge yourself. It's the same kind of mentality today of those who say, listen, you don't tell me how to live. Don't tell me what to do. I will go do whatever I want. You can't judge me. It's all for what feels good. It's the same thing, just with a different label. You'll know this by the mentality that Paul even encountered in Acts 17 with the certain Epicurean and Stoic philosophers who the Epicureans lived to maximize pleasure. They were hedonists. And then you had the other common thought of the day, which is now what Paul's dealing with. The Greeks also believed that bodily urges should be suppressed and that there should be abstinence. They would have said that these kinds of sexual promiscuous drives should be suppressed and that helps someone preserve the soul from defilement it keeps the soul from defilement and that shows that you're truly pure when you can master these kinds of drives and so you had an entire movement movement spring up in history ascetic movements and people running out to the you know to the hills and into the communes whatever you want to say the stoics you know there was the stoics and all of these different groups that were very sectarian and they did their own thing and they lived this very monastic hard life of self-denial well immediately after the teaching on fornication paul now deals with the question that's posed maybe it's just better if we follow that because of all the problems maybe it's just better that celibacy is the answer and that led to the roman view that priests of course you know they would look at this that the priesthood forbidding marriages to priests and paul now develops and answers this particular problem when we understand that this was a problem that he's specifically answering it's really a pretty clear passage i i actually found it to be just so clear but I guess kind of challenging just to say. They wrote with the celibacy idea in mind saying it's good for a man not to touch a woman. That's the ideal then, Paul. That's maybe what we should be doing. And Paul immediately responds by saying what? Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. Look, the reality is that men and women struggle with sexual temptation. And notice it's not just the man here. Men and women struggle with this. Men and women have this problem. You all have it, unless you're the exception, and I'll get there. Sexual drive is real. And every night in the news, if you want to deny that, just go on and look at all of the terrible things that's happening due to sexual morality run rampant. In fact, Paul says that in verse 26. He'll talk about this problem creates a present distress. Look at that. A present distress. All the perversions in this particular arena and these particular sins. And Paul's real about this. Paul's real about discussing the drive in us and the challenges with this. And he's saying here something that's really important for us tonight. What he's saying is the marriage relationship God specifically designed. And one of the great blessings, one of the benefits of the marriage relationship is that this drive is to be satisfied within the confines of that marriage relationship. He created it. God created this. God made this. Paul's not just saying that. He's not just saying God gave you a platform to satisfy your lust. That's not ultimately what he's just saying. Sure, marriage relationship, he is saying, is intended to curb the problem of sexual immorality. Absolutely. And if you struggle with this and you burn, he'll say if you cannot control that drive and that manifests itself in many different ways, then marriage is for that. You don't want to live in sexual immorality. That's sinning against God. But it's not just that the drive is satisfied. Notice what he says in verse 3. The husband should do what? The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights. And likewise, the wife to her husband. And then he goes on to say that the wife and the husband are to sacrificially think about their bodies. Now remember, body's a big emphasis here in 1 Corinthians 6 and 7. You are to sacrificially think about your bodies in that way in the relationship. Now here's what I want to say. This is not to be viewed in the marriage relationship as a burden. This is not. It never was intended to be. But I believe what Paul says here is that the design of marriage is that the act of sex is to be enjoyed as a gift from God. A gift from God. Something right. Something proper. Healthy to your marriage. Enjoyed. And that each of us is to understand that our bodies which are one with our spouses, what God has joined together, let not man separate, are one with the spouses, are to be used to fulfill what God designed to be enjoyed. Without which serious problems come. In fact, Paul sees this as so normal to marriage life. Something, and I say this, in the normal circumstances, I emphasize that, I understand there's always exceptions and certain challenges. But in the normal circumstances of life, in the normal circumstances of marital life, Something is to be constantly happening between the man and the woman. And notice how Paul says it, that the only real exception would be to stop for a season if, and this is only if, you decided that you wanted to fast and pray and give yourself to devotion to the Lord. But even in that, the tone here is, be really careful about that. That can only be done for a time if you mutually agree, but you need to come back together again real soon. You ever heard teaching on this? You know, this is my struggle this week, you understand. But do you see how integral? Do you see how integral and healthy and beautiful the apostle understands this to be in the marriage relationship? That's what we first have to come to grips with. You got to pull out the Victorian idea. This is beautiful. This is not dirty. And Paul wants us to think, the Lord wants us to think about this. He inspired this. Especially young couples. Guess what? Greatest divorce rates come where? That age group. 20 to 30. And you repeatedly hear in those marriages of those divorcing, there's no intimacy. None. The loss of intimacy and no desire has severe consequences on a marriage. It does. Men don't understand this. Women often more so don't understand this. And Satan loves marriages like this. I have to say this tonight. Satan loves marriages like this. Why? Well, Paul says that when this is not properly in place, Satan works on one of the parties who has that strong drive to not having it fulfilled. And guess what he does? Guess what he does? He tempts them. Now think about everything we learned from Joseph this morning and Potiphar's wife. All of a sudden, there comes some woman who throws herself before a man who has no relationship with his wife. There comes some charmer who says everything a woman never hears from her husband because the relationship's broken. Do you think Potiphar and his wife had a healthy relationship? Do you think there was love? On the authority of God's Word, in the normal circumstances of marriage, it is a biblical responsibility of the man and the woman in the marriage relationship to think sacrificially and give yourselves this way to enjoy it as God designed it. I know no other way to say this tonight. that's exactly what Paul's saying here. And to not do so opens up the door of temptation towards all sorts of things, Paul says, because of a lack of self-control. That's never to be an excuse for those things. But what has to be realized is that the self-sacrificial love that has to be in place when it's gone and a husband is to love his wife, when it's gone, you've opened the door. you've opened the door to problems. And this fits the whole design of thinking of ourselves and putting the interests of others before ours, especially our spouse, right? In the marriage relationship, putting the wife's interests before yours, husband's, is what the Lord wants. Wives, putting your husband's interests before yours is what He wants that this beautiful design would be fulfilled. And God wants you to know that in His eyes, this is beautiful. He made it. He created it. He designed it. That you guys would love one another. Now, Paul's answered it. They ran to the other extreme and in fleeing from sexual morality, they fled to celibacy. And that same spirit, Paul says, we have to watch out for. This is healthy. Well, that leads to one more classification tonight that I don't want to neglect, and we'll close with this one tonight. You'll notice in verse 8 that he mentions the unmarried and the widows. In the church, there are many in this particular place. We have those who've lost spouses and then those who have not yet married who want to be married. And when I look over my ministry, I will be the first one to admit that I've been somewhat neglectful of these categories in the life of the church, somewhat neglectful in praying and speaking for these brothers and sisters who go through these real struggles. Did you notice here, if that first section is talking about how deep the struggle is, notice there's other classifications of brothers and sisters in that struggle who don't have this relationship and who may want it. And I never want to be neglectful of that. That's why I didn't want to even start on the divorce section tonight. I want to close speaking to these. Both circumstances are common here. There are a bunch of widows and widowers there are those who desire marriage i'll never forget one man up north dear old man he lost his wife at around 60 and had the most difficult time with loneliness and i don't even think i realized how hard it was for him i don't even think i i grasped how difficult it was for that man and I think a lot of him I think a lot of this particular scenario I remember where I was leaving Escondido he says well you're leaving my wife's left but you can do one thing for me if there's a Christian woman down there let me know so he's a great guy Christian I don't want to ever neglect that I know there are many of you who struggle with loneliness there are others here who have never been married and want to really be married and that has so greatly troubled me at times i've seen that many are just long for the marriage they've prayed for marriage and nobody comes nobody comes and you see children running around and and you feel like it's all passing me right up we need to pray for those people We need to love those people. There are words for you here. Paul has words about this. I want you to look at verse 8. To the unmarried and the widows, I say this, I wish that all were as I myself am. If God in your particular situation, maybe you're past the flower of youth, however they call it. If in your present case, you cannot remain celibate and the loneliness overburdens you, and you notice what he says, I'm sorry, if you can remain celibate and you don't struggle with self-control issues, what does Paul say here? It'd be better for you to be as I am. I find that so encouraging to you. Why do I say that? Well, what do we know about Paul? I believe he was married at one point. I don't know how you could have been in the Sanhedrin without being married. You either have two options. His wife abandoned him when he was converted, or she died. We're not told. But at this point, Paul says at his life, at his particular point in his time in life, I don't have that need. I can remain controlled. I can remain celibate. And Paul saw that as a beautiful gift from God. If you have that ability, then you can take your time and devote it to the Lord and serve Him without distraction. In other words, God may have given you at this particular time in life the ability to not desire that and you should never view your aloneness as punishment or something you just have to grin and bear, you can take this time that you have and you can grow in your love for him and you can view it as an opportunity to serve all these people that God has given you a wonderful church family with. You can love his sheep and that family will love you back. You have to prayerfully come to that. Paul did. But if you can't maintain self-control, if you don't have that gift, You better marry. For it's better to marry than to be inflamed with passion. What does that mean? I think Calvin's right. It's one thing to burn. It's another to feel heat. What Paul calls burning is not merely slight sensation, but being so inflamed with passion, you can't stand up against it. You're sinning. So Paul does have something to say about celibacy. Paul has a theology of celibacy, if you will. You know what it is? You better have the gift. You better have the gift. There's one way to deal with the problem of sexual morality. One way is you have been given a gift from God and a power in your body to overcome the drive to commit sexual immorality. Let me put it this way. If you can do what Joseph did day after day and Christy Brinkley is coming after you, then you have the gift. And then you can take that disciplined life and love him. And you don't have to tend to what often amounts to real challenges in the marriage relationship. But in verse 7, he wishes all men, I wish all men were as I myself am, but each one has his own gift from God. Most people say that it's better than to be single and to have that gift. It's not marriage he's talking about. He's not saying that single... I believe he's not saying that single is more preferred to marriage. I think what he's saying here is the gift is the ability to flee sexual immorality outside the design of marriage. That's the gift. You have that power. That's the gift. If you have that, that's a remarkable gift. Most men don't have that gift. Most men don't have that gift. And I think it's important to say, really important to say, that a lot of single men don't marry and yet they don't have this gift. So what's going on? The gift to be celibate means you have enough discipline and self-control to control the urge. And I believe Paul says that if you never aspire to marriage with that kind of problem, if you can't control that drive, then you're going to land yourself in serious sin. And that's the day we're living. We've got a whole bunch of men, I mean this, a whole bunch of men who don't have the gift to remain single and who refuse to marry. And it's created a real problem, especially when you have all these women who want to be married. Well, the encouragement here is that if you desire marriage and you feel like you don't have the gift of celibacy, then guess what? What does Paul say? then you better marry. You say, well, that sounds simple. Well, he doesn't say let them marry as if that's a possibility. And I think that's a great encouragement here. I think that's the power of it. There is a person there for you. And he's saying if you don't have the gift and it's your desire to marry, he'll provide it. I have to believe that. I don't know how else to read this. wait on him, be of good cheer, wait on the Lord, his timing's right. I close by saying, remember what our marriages are a testimony to. They're designed as Christians that husbands would love their wives and wives would love their husbands to reflect what? Christ's sacrificial love for his body, the church. Christ's love for his church. Christ doesn't neglect his bride. Christ nurtures and cares and helps her. He doesn't leave her unloved. He loves her fervently. And he wants our marriage relationships to tell that story. It's always amazed me that our marriages are designed to tell the story of the gospel. if i'm to love my wife as christ loved the church i'm telling a story of how christ loved the church he died for her he gave himself sacrificially and i'm called in my relationship to demonstrate that same kind of sanctifying purifying holy love before a world of broken marriages and shattered dreams, a world where the family's tanking it in the toilet. And the greatest witness you're going to have to your neighbors will be this. I love anniversaries when they say so-and-so had 60 years together and their love's stronger than the day they wedded. So I say tonight, enjoy your spouse. God wants you to. Enjoy her. Enjoy him. There's something very glorifying to him when you give your bodies to fulfill what was meant to be something beautiful and right in the eyes of the Lord so that in your union, enjoy that union that God, and think about it this way, that God specifically joined together. That's why he doesn't want anyone else to separate that. Look at the person next to you. God crafted them for you to love. Love them. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, I pray that everyone will receive this from You. And that as we receive Your instruction in areas that are difficult and sometimes awkward, yet we know that before Your eyes, You designed and crafted this to be beautiful in the marriage relationship. If we confess it, it's just because of all the filth we've been exposed to in a sad world that has defected from your design that makes us embarrassed about this. And so forgive us for these sins. Forgive us for being selfish with our bodies. Forgive us for not loving the way that we should. Forgive us that our marriage relationships have sometimes so poorly told the story of Christ's love for His church. And may we all walk out of here tonight renewed in this great design that You gave and fulfill the marriage relationship as You call us to do for Your praise and glory. Be with those also tonight who desire husbands or wives and they have not been able to find them. Supply their need. Help the lonely. Give them what they stand in need of. And for those who have this gift to be celibate, well then, may they be a great encouragement to the body in their love for You and love for us. Thank You for hearing us tonight. In Jesus' name, Amen.